"Many men just don't understand the caution women have to exercise around strange men every day"
This is the key revelation for me over the past few years. I always thought I had a pretty good sense of this. But It really hit me during the whole #yesallwomen thing. I spoke to every one of my female friends, and they shared all kinds of st…
"Many men just don't understand the caution women have to exercise around strange men every day"
This is the key revelation for me over the past few years. I always thought I had a pretty good sense of this. But It really hit me during the whole #yesallwomen thing. I spoke to every one of my female friends, and they shared all kinds of stories and details that I'd ever have thought of without those conversation.
This is why I advocate for more compassionate conversations on these issues instead of "MeN bAd" diatribes that make men defensive. Because some men really will get it if they get the opportunity to process it. I've spoken to so many men over the past couple of years who had obviously never given even a shred of thought to how women's experiences in the world differ from theirs.
It's good to know that some of them are getting it. I'm more cautious these days, and ironically I'm outside the preferred rape demographic. I've thought about it, and I think it was those years on Medium with crazy feminists who saw rapists everywhere the way the crazy antiracists saw white supremacy everywhere :) Although I found the female hysterics a bit much sometime, I did understand that some were hypersensitive because of genuine prior abuse, and their stories made memore aware that maybe I'd taken safety and my own invincibility too much for granted. I don't tend to be stalked by men, even when I was younger and a flirtatious belly dancer. I just always walked around like I owned the whole damn place (whatever place I was in) and didn't act like a victim. I can't impress upon women how important it is to do that. Predatory men can sense who won't take their shit.
Lately I've been thinking about how to handle the legitimate crazies around here, if I ever get cornered into a conversation with one...speak nicely and kindly, try not to act afraid, try to distract them from...I dunno, the voices in their head or something. And if shit gets real I've got my Mighty Keychain O' Pain :)
“Predatory men can sense who won't take their shit.” Agreed. When I was in the military, I didn't really have any problems. I was approached and lightly harrassed a couple of times and they desisted when I asked them to. But, I had 2 things going for me: 1 - small breasts. Which helps. Also, I held this thought in my head all the time (and still do today): “I will fight you to the death if you attack me.” Predators do, indeed, pick up on this vibe.
Also, I will say that many, if not most instances of sexual harrassment and predatory behavior in the military involve alcohol. There are some outliers to be sure. But, most soldiers are good people.
I've sometimes wondered whether it happens to every woman. I have a writer friend who's one of the most badass 70-year-old bitches you've ever seen, and a military veteran. She was raped multiple times. It seems to be pretty common, AFAICT.
Perhaps not every woman, but a concerning percentage. I was never attacked sexually as an adult woman. Only as a very young child. Probably why I am so fierce about it never happening again. I am the kind of person that if I was unable to fend off an attack for some reason, I would pursue and kill the perp without compunction, knowing that I would spend the rest of my days in prison.
"Many men just don't understand the caution women have to exercise around strange men every day"
This is the key revelation for me over the past few years. I always thought I had a pretty good sense of this. But It really hit me during the whole #yesallwomen thing. I spoke to every one of my female friends, and they shared all kinds of stories and details that I'd ever have thought of without those conversation.
This is why I advocate for more compassionate conversations on these issues instead of "MeN bAd" diatribes that make men defensive. Because some men really will get it if they get the opportunity to process it. I've spoken to so many men over the past couple of years who had obviously never given even a shred of thought to how women's experiences in the world differ from theirs.
It's good to know that some of them are getting it. I'm more cautious these days, and ironically I'm outside the preferred rape demographic. I've thought about it, and I think it was those years on Medium with crazy feminists who saw rapists everywhere the way the crazy antiracists saw white supremacy everywhere :) Although I found the female hysterics a bit much sometime, I did understand that some were hypersensitive because of genuine prior abuse, and their stories made memore aware that maybe I'd taken safety and my own invincibility too much for granted. I don't tend to be stalked by men, even when I was younger and a flirtatious belly dancer. I just always walked around like I owned the whole damn place (whatever place I was in) and didn't act like a victim. I can't impress upon women how important it is to do that. Predatory men can sense who won't take their shit.
Lately I've been thinking about how to handle the legitimate crazies around here, if I ever get cornered into a conversation with one...speak nicely and kindly, try not to act afraid, try to distract them from...I dunno, the voices in their head or something. And if shit gets real I've got my Mighty Keychain O' Pain :)
“Predatory men can sense who won't take their shit.” Agreed. When I was in the military, I didn't really have any problems. I was approached and lightly harrassed a couple of times and they desisted when I asked them to. But, I had 2 things going for me: 1 - small breasts. Which helps. Also, I held this thought in my head all the time (and still do today): “I will fight you to the death if you attack me.” Predators do, indeed, pick up on this vibe.
Also, I will say that many, if not most instances of sexual harrassment and predatory behavior in the military involve alcohol. There are some outliers to be sure. But, most soldiers are good people.
I've sometimes wondered whether it happens to every woman. I have a writer friend who's one of the most badass 70-year-old bitches you've ever seen, and a military veteran. She was raped multiple times. It seems to be pretty common, AFAICT.
Perhaps not every woman, but a concerning percentage. I was never attacked sexually as an adult woman. Only as a very young child. Probably why I am so fierce about it never happening again. I am the kind of person that if I was unable to fend off an attack for some reason, I would pursue and kill the perp without compunction, knowing that I would spend the rest of my days in prison.