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Mark Monday's avatar

I get where H is coming from but, as almost always, I land more where you are coming from. I think part of my perspective is from being a queer POC (not black though). I've heard both homophobic & racist slurs over the years, and my responses have varied. Sometimes just shrug it off, sometimes laugh it off, sometimes get into a drunken fight LOL - all depends on the situation and who's said what. But in the end, they are just words. It is the intent behind their use and how I choose to react that matters. And despite these words being insulting, they are still just signifiers. Calling me the f-word is not saying I am an idiot or a thief or a liar. There's a emotionalism/hysteria/logic breakdown when reacting as if the use of a demeaning word - one that is still describing what I am proud to be - is the same thing as using words that attribute certain negative traits or activities to me.

N-word is one of the most complex words ever. From a long history as a purely diminishing word and a word that describes behaviors that whites & others don't care for ("I worked like a n----- today"), to a word that some black neighbors would use as a pejorative in the same way white neighbors would use the word "hick," to a word reclaimed (similar to b-word and to a lesser extent f-word) and a word divided (bizarre yet accepted distinction between ending in "gga" or "ger") and a word I used to hear latino & asian kids on the bus call each other casually right alongside their black friends, to a word that now apparently causes black college kids deep emotional trauma when simply seen on the page (WTF) and gets people of any color fired if dared uttered aloud, as if it is the unspeakable name of an evil being that will be summoned, like Candyman. LOL I cannot think of another word that holds such strange, diabolical power over the public imagination!

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Steve QJ's avatar

"I get where H is coming from but, as almost always, I land more where you are coming from"

Yeah, don't get me wrong. I think H's heart, if not his thinking, is in exactly the right place. You say that intent is what matters, and on one level I agree with this, but I'd say that even intent isn't the most important thing.

Think of your best quality. Whatever it is about yourself that you're most confident about and/or proud of. Now imagine I said something about it that was intended to offend you. Maybe I said that I hate people who are incredibly good-looking, or who are incredibly witty, or who are in great physical condition. How would you react? How much would it hurt you? What would my comments say to you about me?

In fact, it doesn't even need to be something you're proud of. How would you react if I tried to insult the shape of the folds in your ear? Or the number of creases on your palm? Something that you're completely neutral about. Wouldn't you find it ridiculous? Wouldn't you be tempted to laugh?

So yes, I agree with you about intent. If somebody is trying to hurt me that matters. Even if they don't succeed. In fact, the mere attempt to hurt me might be hurtful. But what they can hurt me *about*? That's a different matter entirely. And is entirely based on what I feel about myself.

I think you've put it exceptionally well; the n-word holds a strange, diabolical power over the public imagination. And as far as I can see, the only way to remove that power is to challenge what the the public imagines about race. Specifically, the idea that there's something insult-worthy about being black. Again, both black people and white people have deeply ingrained, unexamined ideas about this. It's past time to expose them to the light.

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Mark Monday's avatar

Love the comparison to qualities & attributes, whether positive or something like the folds in an ear. Excellent!

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