Words Aren’t Just Words - They’re Ideas

Today’s conversation needs a little context. It began as a discussion on Twitter between, Grace and “H”, about hate speech (I don’t know either of them. The conversation didn’t involve me at this point).

When the topic eventually turned to the n-word, Grace linked to my article, This Is The Way The N-Word Dies, to support her argument that censoring words isn’t the only (or even a good) way to combat hate speech (Twitter notified me when she did).

So I watched the two of them go back and forth for a while, with no intention of getting involved. But H was so convinced that black people needed to be protected from the n-word, and so dismissive of everything that Grace said or that I’d written, that I began to get curious.

Had he suffered some horrific n-word related trauma? Did he live somewhere where he faced constant racial abuse? Was there something I didn’t understand about the n-word’s impact? I decided to find out:

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Steve QJ:

Serious question: why are you afraid to be called this word? What does it mean to you?

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H:

I’m white and not afraid to be called that word. But I’ve seen my family, school mates, neighbors, and friends use it in the cruelest and worst ways. They don’t seek to understand someone and rather put all their humanity into them being a n-word.

Loud car? N-word. Homeless? N-word. Killed in a shooting? N-word. Poor and jobless? N-word. The buck stops there for racist people. No need to evaluate society when all their issues are because of the color of their skin.

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Steve QJ:

Fascinating that you’re white and you’re suggesting that you understand casual racism better than me 😅

But okay, do you think the people you’re describing will be less racist if they’re not “allowed” to use this word? From what you’ve written, it seems like they use it already.

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“Fascinating that you’re white and you’re suggesting that you understand casual racism better than me”

I always feel the need to qualify this kind of comment, because I understand that with the current state of racial discourse, it can be read as, “you’re white, so you don’t get to have an opinion.”

This isn’t what I mean at all.

For example, I have carefully considered, painstakingly researched thoughts on feminism and homophobia and transphobia. But when I talk to women or people from the LGBT community about these issues, I’ll spend far more time asking questions than making assertions.

Why? Because my default position is to assume that they know something I don’t. If they hold an opinion I disagree with, I want to understand why.

Of course, I might still disagree with them after they’ve explained their position. Membership of a group doesn’t make people infallible and certainly not unbiased. But however much I might read and research, they have direct, daily experience that I lack. It’s staggeringly arrogant to ignore that.

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H:

Racism isn’t a competition so I’m not getting into who understands what more. But to answer your question - yes I think they’d be less racist if their language changed. Words aren’t just words - they’re ideas, and the n-word invokes violent ideas.

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Steve QJ:

No, it’s not a competition, but it is something that’s experienced. And no, words aren’t ideas, words are used to express existing ideas. Not using certain words doesn’t change ideas, does it? Plus, again, don’t these people you mentioned already use the n-word? So what changes?

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H:

I’d argue that changing words do change ideas. We’ve seen this with the mentally ill, disabled, LGTBQ, and other marginalized groups. If your take is to do nothing, that’s not progress. It takes time to change things and words are an easy first step.

I worked in Marcom shortly in 2020 and what I learned in highly charged copy reviews is that words change perception (at least in marketing and advertising) and there is data to prove it via market research. Does it relate to racism? Idk maybe? Let try!

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Oh! You have a few months’ market research experience? Well why didn’t you say so??!! I didn’t realise I was dealing with a scholar!

And thank you so much for explaining to me what is and is not progress. Sometimes I need a total stranger to remind me to care about issues that directly affect me, my entire family and everybody who has ever looked like me.

God, I find comments like that infuriating. Deep breath…

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Steve QJ:

That’s different. Yes, you can change perceptions depending on what words you use. But you don’t change them by “banning” certain words. Especially because, as I’ve pointed out numerous times, banning words is impossible. Racists use them already. And will continue to do so until black people see that this word is only as hurtful as we say it is.

That’s why you’re not arguing that black people can’t say it. You take it for granted that black people should be hurt by this word when white people say it. So I’ll ask again; why? What should we be afraid of?

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H:

I see what you’re saying but if your suggesting black people should stop being offended when white people say the n-word as some way of taking the word back, you’ll find that will end in violence for years and years. Easier to “ban” it imo.

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Steve QJ:

Where do you see the violence coming about? I've been called the n-word numerous times and it's never led to violence. I've never been upset. And that's because, and this is important, *I don't think there's anything wrong with being black*. Insults don't work unless the "insulted" person believes in the insult.

There's nothing wrong with being pretty or clever or...white. Nobody had to ban the word “cracker”. White people and black people need to truly understand there's nothing wrong with being black either.

Again, it's impossible to "ban" words (unless you have some genius idea you haven't shared yet). Racists use the n-word precisely because they're not "supposed" to. But when we stop giving words power, they die by themselves. Trying to "ban" them does the opposite.

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H:

Look I can go on forever about why we shouldn’t allow white people to use the word consequence free but the truth is the majority of black folks I know will fuck someone up if they use the n word. I’ve seen it in Philly and Brooklyn where I’m from.

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Here, as evidence of the “years and years” of racial violence he predicted, H linked to seven news stories about racial altercations that turned violent or deadly. I guess I only have myself to blame for not being precise enough.

Yes, racial altercations sometimes turn violent and/or deadly. As do some number of all altercations. I wasn’t suggesting that this never happens just because it hasn’t happened to me. But without understanding how regularly it happens (among the seven violent stories he managed to dig up, six were several years old), it’s meaningless.

Five minutes of Googling does not provide a representative picture.

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Steve QJ:

Okay. This is why I pointed out that racism is experienced. Googling a few news stories doesn't tell you what these situations are like. "White Man Calls Black Man N-Word. Nothing Much Happens," doesn't make a great headline. But it happens infinitely more often than any of this.

I've actually been called this word. I know many other people who have too. It very rarely ends with a dead body or even a fight. Trust me, if things have gotten to the point where somebody is pulling a gun, it was probably going to go that way even if the n-word wasn't used.

Besides, I don't care if some white guy gets beat up for using the n-word as a slur. This conversation is about the impact the word has on *black* people. It's about the idea that black people need to be protected from white people saying it. Or that "banning it" (you still haven't explained how this is possible) would make white people less racist. Stopping people getting into fights and/or killing each other is a whole other conversation.

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H:

You asked how it ends in violence and I showed you that. Racism is experienced, and for these folks it was a violent experience. Same for black Americans throughout the 1800’s and early 1900’s. I think we can agree to disagree at this point.

Because I see what you’re saying but changing the effect the word has isn’t as easy as white parents teaching their kids the word is wrong and shouldn’t be said - even in jest. White people need to hold their friends and family accountable.

So let’s try both. You can spread the gospel of taking the meaning out of the n-word, and I’ll hold every white person in my life accountable to never say the word. Not even in a joking or sarcastic way. Sound good?

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Steve QJ:

There are two reasons I’ve been having this conversation. First, I want you to ask yourself why you take for granted that black people should be hurt by a word because white people say it. I can’t see a way to believe this unless, deep down, you think black people are inferior.

To be clear, I’m not attacking you for this. A lot of people, white and black, have bought into this idea. And so, meaning well, you try to “protect” black people because you think having our blackness pointed out to us is a terrible thing. This is “kind” racism. But still racism.

The second reason is that if you do want to help, I want you to think seriously about how to do so. Banning words is impossible. So proposing it suggests, at best, that you haven’t thought about this problem seriously. This is not only not helpful, it’s often counterproductive.

You may not agree with my solution. But it has the advantage of being possible. So I’m not saying you shouldn’t challenge racists. Of course not. I’m saying that when you do so, you should understand that the problem isn’t the word, it’s what you subconsciously believe about it.

As I said, there’s no “forbidden” word to refer to white people or beautiful people or tall people. We need to free ourselves from the racist idea that there is one to refer to black people. Both black people and white people need to do this.

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Words are not ideas. They’re used to express and validate existing ideas.

The n-word was born during a time when it was widely believed (by white people and, tragically, by some black people) that black people were inferior. It’s since become synonymous with that idea.

But the word itself isn’t the problem. The problem is the belief in black people’s inferiority. Racists believe in this lie. And deep down, some Black people do too. Worst of all, it’s so deeply ingrained that many people (including well-meaning people like H) don’t even realise they believe it. They blame centuries-old history and isolated anecdotes because they can’t see that their mindset gives the n-word the illusion of power.

But if you’re truly free of this mindset, all you hear is a small, insecure, confused person trying to attack you for something as meaningless as the colour of your eyes or the pattern of your fingerprints. The idea that an “attack” like this should hurt you becomes laughable.

I desperately want more people, both black and white, to figure this out. Because this isn’t just the way the n-word dies. It’s the way racism dies too.