You mentioned the fact that the young men affected didn't see the change over the last fifty years. I am old enough to have seen them and think it worth noting that one change has weakened them. I don't say this disparagingly.
When I was young, males learned how to live with hierarchy. Made the team, last chos…
You mentioned the fact that the young men affected didn't see the change over the last fifty years. I am old enough to have seen them and think it worth noting that one change has weakened them. I don't say this disparagingly.
When I was young, males learned how to live with hierarchy. Made the team, last chosen in pickup games, you flunked and did a year over in school. All taught that you earned your place thru effort and life isn't fair. You got stuck with genetics.
Now everyone is a winner. You get a trophy for showing up. You pass to the next grade in school even if you can't read or make change. You have a digital world and are not well equipped to deal with the real adult world where everyone doesn't get a trophy. You didn't experience that as a child like we did fifty years ago, or at least fewer do.
"Now everyone is a winner. You get a trophy for showing up"
God yes, this attitude has broken the minds of so many people. They feel so entitled to feel good about themselves simply for showing up.
I watch videos on social media of millennials crying into the camera because they didn't get their way in a work meeting or they didn't get called by the special pronouns they wanted and I wonder how a cohort of adults so totally lacking in resilience will function in the world.
All participation trophies did for Gen X was make us cynical, not entitled.
I wonder if part of the reason we catastrophize so much is that we (in the west) don't have many of the real worries our ancestors did. So our tolerance for pain and discomfort has shrunk. And catastrophizing gives our life meaning; we can cast ourselves as victims of whatever oppressive power suggested we smile, or complimented our hair, or didn't say "Merry Christmas." And then comes the fun part: outrage!
Boys like having a chance to win. "So your saying there's a chance" - Jim Carey, Dumb and Dumber
When everyone is a winner just or showing up, it really means that nobody can win and that bores many boys. They are constantly told to not seek winning. Girls are thrilled to fit in, but this is not the same motivator for many boys.
We taught everyone to value self- ESTEEM, when we should have taught them to value self-RESPECT. You know who has the highest self-esteem? Narcissists. So it's no surprise that we wind up elevating the most self-centered of them to power; after all, Donald loves himself SO much, surely we should too.
Another excellent post Steve.
You mentioned the fact that the young men affected didn't see the change over the last fifty years. I am old enough to have seen them and think it worth noting that one change has weakened them. I don't say this disparagingly.
When I was young, males learned how to live with hierarchy. Made the team, last chosen in pickup games, you flunked and did a year over in school. All taught that you earned your place thru effort and life isn't fair. You got stuck with genetics.
Now everyone is a winner. You get a trophy for showing up. You pass to the next grade in school even if you can't read or make change. You have a digital world and are not well equipped to deal with the real adult world where everyone doesn't get a trophy. You didn't experience that as a child like we did fifty years ago, or at least fewer do.
"Now everyone is a winner. You get a trophy for showing up"
God yes, this attitude has broken the minds of so many people. They feel so entitled to feel good about themselves simply for showing up.
I watch videos on social media of millennials crying into the camera because they didn't get their way in a work meeting or they didn't get called by the special pronouns they wanted and I wonder how a cohort of adults so totally lacking in resilience will function in the world.
All participation trophies did for Gen X was make us cynical, not entitled.
I wonder if part of the reason we catastrophize so much is that we (in the west) don't have many of the real worries our ancestors did. So our tolerance for pain and discomfort has shrunk. And catastrophizing gives our life meaning; we can cast ourselves as victims of whatever oppressive power suggested we smile, or complimented our hair, or didn't say "Merry Christmas." And then comes the fun part: outrage!
Boys like having a chance to win. "So your saying there's a chance" - Jim Carey, Dumb and Dumber
When everyone is a winner just or showing up, it really means that nobody can win and that bores many boys. They are constantly told to not seek winning. Girls are thrilled to fit in, but this is not the same motivator for many boys.
I don't think I tied my comment in to yours very well, so I hope the connection of trying to win and earning respect is possible to imagine.
We taught everyone to value self- ESTEEM, when we should have taught them to value self-RESPECT. You know who has the highest self-esteem? Narcissists. So it's no surprise that we wind up elevating the most self-centered of them to power; after all, Donald loves himself SO much, surely we should too.