It's important to me to keep my friendships asexual; I've had guys I met regularly for sex but in all my life there has only been one I had any social life with. But the number of nominally heterosexual friends who wanted to have sex with me has been frankly depressing (and most of them wanted …
It's important to me to keep my friendships asexual; I've had guys I met regularly for sex but in all my life there has only been one I had any social life with. But the number of nominally heterosexual friends who wanted to have sex with me has been frankly depressing (and most of them wanted to be the bottom).
A lot of straight men harbor homosexual desires and no few have given in to them. And I've known several gay men who were married to women. I didn't ask how much of a sex life they had.
People are often what they appear to be, and labels aren't really helpful. I always wondered why men who were not flaming gay (sometimes married) thought they could hit on me. I suspect it might be more common than people are willing to talk about.
My military active duty was in the 60s when homosexuality was not tolerated. If there were gay Marines around me, they did nothing to reveal that. It might mean that they were just more cautious about allowing it to show. A few years back I learned that one of the guys from my platoon has undergone a sex change. Quite a surprise, but gender dysphoria isn't necessarily about homosexuality.
Like you, my social activities are asexual. At this time a big one for me is old-time music jam sessions. An equal mix of men and women in my general age group. It's about the activity, music, and I've never noticed sex entering into the activity. The same could be said for a ukulele group that I used to play with. I like it that way because sex changes things.
I cam out and spent my first years as a gay man in Norfolk, VA, a Navy town. The bars had a lot of short-haired guys and the clientele burgeoned when the fleet was in. I had sex with a few Marines and every one of them was a bottom, not what anyone would expect. Kinda scary topping a guy who could kill you if he suddenly got mad.
Sorry for the TMI but we are exploding stereotypes here. A lot. Anyway.
Yeah sex changes things, sex ruins things. If I had a friend who suddenly wanted me to f him it wasn't the same anymore. It introduces tension. With my regulars we never did anything more social uh afterward than grab some coffee.
I had to Google "TMI." Our personal experiences influence our stereotypes, but that doesn't make them universally true or false. It can be informative pertaining to where our views come from.
In the spirit of that, when I was 15 (too young to drive) I liked to shoot pool. My neighborhood pool room had no snooker tables and I liked to play on them to stay sharp. There was a big pool room where a world championship had once taken place at Grand & Olive that had them. That was also a red-light district and there was a gay bar there.
I hitch-hiked and quickly got picked up leaving. Often by gay men who would offer me money for sex at some point before we got where I said I was going (never before I got into the car). Which take-away would be appropriate? They were pedos trying to turn an adolescent boy into a homosexual prostitute or did they think that I was a prostitute looking to get picked up? Is there any sweeping generalized stereotype justified by that? I don't write that to counter anything that you wrote. In a gay bar you will find gay men. Do they represent a larger group that they are a member of? I don't think you were saying that. We all have our life experiences.
Was that aimed at me from a previous unpleasant exchange we had or adding something you find valuable to this story? I don't know, but you should know that I've got no hard feelings. Not a double entendre ;0)
We're cool. I offer the same apology for anything inadvertent from me. We'd probably like each other at a table with a pitcher of beer and a bowl of chips. The internet often leads to misunderstanding.
Patient communication leads to understanding and there is precious little of that on the Internet. Steve brings a contagious reflection and thoughtfulness to this little forum.
Were there only more of that n the social media. Even Medium is a cesspool now; any deviation from the trans orthodoxy brings on horrible attacks, at least as bad as those from the right. I find this symmetry most troubling.
I wouldn't get too worked up over the word.
It's important to me to keep my friendships asexual; I've had guys I met regularly for sex but in all my life there has only been one I had any social life with. But the number of nominally heterosexual friends who wanted to have sex with me has been frankly depressing (and most of them wanted to be the bottom).
A lot of straight men harbor homosexual desires and no few have given in to them. And I've known several gay men who were married to women. I didn't ask how much of a sex life they had.
Oh, and there are a lot of gay Marines.
People are often what they appear to be, and labels aren't really helpful. I always wondered why men who were not flaming gay (sometimes married) thought they could hit on me. I suspect it might be more common than people are willing to talk about.
My military active duty was in the 60s when homosexuality was not tolerated. If there were gay Marines around me, they did nothing to reveal that. It might mean that they were just more cautious about allowing it to show. A few years back I learned that one of the guys from my platoon has undergone a sex change. Quite a surprise, but gender dysphoria isn't necessarily about homosexuality.
Like you, my social activities are asexual. At this time a big one for me is old-time music jam sessions. An equal mix of men and women in my general age group. It's about the activity, music, and I've never noticed sex entering into the activity. The same could be said for a ukulele group that I used to play with. I like it that way because sex changes things.
I cam out and spent my first years as a gay man in Norfolk, VA, a Navy town. The bars had a lot of short-haired guys and the clientele burgeoned when the fleet was in. I had sex with a few Marines and every one of them was a bottom, not what anyone would expect. Kinda scary topping a guy who could kill you if he suddenly got mad.
Sorry for the TMI but we are exploding stereotypes here. A lot. Anyway.
Yeah sex changes things, sex ruins things. If I had a friend who suddenly wanted me to f him it wasn't the same anymore. It introduces tension. With my regulars we never did anything more social uh afterward than grab some coffee.
I had to Google "TMI." Our personal experiences influence our stereotypes, but that doesn't make them universally true or false. It can be informative pertaining to where our views come from.
In the spirit of that, when I was 15 (too young to drive) I liked to shoot pool. My neighborhood pool room had no snooker tables and I liked to play on them to stay sharp. There was a big pool room where a world championship had once taken place at Grand & Olive that had them. That was also a red-light district and there was a gay bar there.
I hitch-hiked and quickly got picked up leaving. Often by gay men who would offer me money for sex at some point before we got where I said I was going (never before I got into the car). Which take-away would be appropriate? They were pedos trying to turn an adolescent boy into a homosexual prostitute or did they think that I was a prostitute looking to get picked up? Is there any sweeping generalized stereotype justified by that? I don't write that to counter anything that you wrote. In a gay bar you will find gay men. Do they represent a larger group that they are a member of? I don't think you were saying that. We all have our life experiences.
Was that aimed at me from a previous unpleasant exchange we had or adding something you find valuable to this story? I don't know, but you should know that I've got no hard feelings. Not a double entendre ;0)
First of all there was no implied message in there, in fact I have no idea what you're talking about. I apologize for anything inadvertent.
Some gay men are attracted to guys a lot younger than them. I came out at 20 and it wasn't for over a decade that my attractions began to age.
The idea that anyone not gay can be turned gay is something very few have ever believed.
We're cool. I offer the same apology for anything inadvertent from me. We'd probably like each other at a table with a pitcher of beer and a bowl of chips. The internet often leads to misunderstanding.
Patient communication leads to understanding and there is precious little of that on the Internet. Steve brings a contagious reflection and thoughtfulness to this little forum.
Were there only more of that n the social media. Even Medium is a cesspool now; any deviation from the trans orthodoxy brings on horrible attacks, at least as bad as those from the right. I find this symmetry most troubling.