I thought this was a fascinating conversation. At times, instructive.
But I'm a bit perplexed. Where are you seeing Feffie's delusion? Is it because he wishes to be a cis man rather than accepting that they are a trans man? If so, I agree that this is delusional thinking (or perhaps just a wish). Or is it because Feffie insists that their…
I thought this was a fascinating conversation. At times, instructive.
But I'm a bit perplexed. Where are you seeing Feffie's delusion? Is it because he wishes to be a cis man rather than accepting that they are a trans man? If so, I agree that this is delusional thinking (or perhaps just a wish). Or is it because Feffie insists that their husband is still a gay man? My opinion is that it is rather a mental leap for them to think that way (and I also assume that Feffie's husband is actually bisexual). Not that my opinion should matter to Feffie or his husband!
Or are you saying that Feffie's delusion is that they needed to transition from a cis woman to a trans man in the first place? It sounds like Feffie medically transitioned and is healthier/happier now, due to that transition. My hope is that Feffie transitioned when they were a fully informed adult, of course. My understanding is that those experiencing severe, *genuinely* ongoing trauma regarding their biological sex is that that trauma comes from both gender misidentification and a rejection of their actual genitals. Being in the sex that they were born in causes them potentially lifelong mental distress, and so they medically transition. Certainly the older trans women I know can attest that they are much healthier and happier now that they are in the (trans) body that they wanted for many years. Also the medically transitioned trans man I know, who proudly recognizes himself as a "TRANS man" (bless him!) and who is married to a cis woman who considers herself "queer" rather than straight (bless her as well, words have meaning)... well he is in a much healthier place now, then when he was a suicidal teen who felt trapped in a woman's body.
I also think that the need to medically transition is a rare thing and not something that should be done before therapy and definitely not during teen years. The people I am referring to did not transition until they were 100% sure, after years of therapy and well into their late 20s or 30s. They took a conservative approach, realizing that this was a lifelong decision being made, one that would literally change their bodies forever.
Anyway, back to my question to you, about what you consider to be Feffie's delusion... I think you might mean the former (my second paragraph, rather than my third paragraph), but I just wanted to be clear on this!
"But I'm a bit perplexed. Where are you seeing Feffie's delusion?"
(I just re-read this reply and realised that I unintentionally used "she" throughout the first paragraph. I'm going to leave it as is, even though I mean no disrespect, because it perfectly illustrates my point.
The cognitive load required for me to maintain this illusion slips when I let my guard down, because I'm being polite, not truthful. Referring to the reality of Feffy's female body and then typing "he" is so unnatural that I have to concentrate to keep it up. More to the point, it makes the meaning of the paragraph almost incomprehensible which I guess is why I subconsciously switched.)
------
I've got into this in a little more detail in my reply to Curious Cat, but yeah, I see Feffy's delusion as the belief that she's a man when a man is an adult human male. That she believes her normal, healthy female body is a "developmental" issue .
Feffy's choice to transition doesn't factor into my thinking at all. It doesn’t make him delusional any more than some people's decision to get breast implants or BBLs or nose jobs makes them delusional. If an adult chooses to get cosmetic surgery for any reason, that's completely up to them (though as I also mention to Curious Cat, it's hard not to see some choices as indicative of mental health issues).
The distress caused by gender dysphoria is, of course, real. I fully support Feffy's right to transition and truly hope that his mental health continues to improve. The fact that he's still suicidal post transition is a serious cause for concern, of course, but I presume things were even worse before.
But given that all the affirmation he's received hasn't made him happy, I can't help but wonder whether we could be doing better for people experiencing this distress.
That is a great point re. still feeling suicidal. Makes me rethink my comment that he is actually healthier & happier. Hopefully that will come. Also, and at the risk of sounding facile, I hope that part of being healthier is perhaps less time online. I think Twitter is not a good place for people who are emotionally or mentally fragile.
I thought this was a fascinating conversation. At times, instructive.
But I'm a bit perplexed. Where are you seeing Feffie's delusion? Is it because he wishes to be a cis man rather than accepting that they are a trans man? If so, I agree that this is delusional thinking (or perhaps just a wish). Or is it because Feffie insists that their husband is still a gay man? My opinion is that it is rather a mental leap for them to think that way (and I also assume that Feffie's husband is actually bisexual). Not that my opinion should matter to Feffie or his husband!
Or are you saying that Feffie's delusion is that they needed to transition from a cis woman to a trans man in the first place? It sounds like Feffie medically transitioned and is healthier/happier now, due to that transition. My hope is that Feffie transitioned when they were a fully informed adult, of course. My understanding is that those experiencing severe, *genuinely* ongoing trauma regarding their biological sex is that that trauma comes from both gender misidentification and a rejection of their actual genitals. Being in the sex that they were born in causes them potentially lifelong mental distress, and so they medically transition. Certainly the older trans women I know can attest that they are much healthier and happier now that they are in the (trans) body that they wanted for many years. Also the medically transitioned trans man I know, who proudly recognizes himself as a "TRANS man" (bless him!) and who is married to a cis woman who considers herself "queer" rather than straight (bless her as well, words have meaning)... well he is in a much healthier place now, then when he was a suicidal teen who felt trapped in a woman's body.
I also think that the need to medically transition is a rare thing and not something that should be done before therapy and definitely not during teen years. The people I am referring to did not transition until they were 100% sure, after years of therapy and well into their late 20s or 30s. They took a conservative approach, realizing that this was a lifelong decision being made, one that would literally change their bodies forever.
Anyway, back to my question to you, about what you consider to be Feffie's delusion... I think you might mean the former (my second paragraph, rather than my third paragraph), but I just wanted to be clear on this!
"But I'm a bit perplexed. Where are you seeing Feffie's delusion?"
(I just re-read this reply and realised that I unintentionally used "she" throughout the first paragraph. I'm going to leave it as is, even though I mean no disrespect, because it perfectly illustrates my point.
The cognitive load required for me to maintain this illusion slips when I let my guard down, because I'm being polite, not truthful. Referring to the reality of Feffy's female body and then typing "he" is so unnatural that I have to concentrate to keep it up. More to the point, it makes the meaning of the paragraph almost incomprehensible which I guess is why I subconsciously switched.)
------
I've got into this in a little more detail in my reply to Curious Cat, but yeah, I see Feffy's delusion as the belief that she's a man when a man is an adult human male. That she believes her normal, healthy female body is a "developmental" issue .
Feffy's choice to transition doesn't factor into my thinking at all. It doesn’t make him delusional any more than some people's decision to get breast implants or BBLs or nose jobs makes them delusional. If an adult chooses to get cosmetic surgery for any reason, that's completely up to them (though as I also mention to Curious Cat, it's hard not to see some choices as indicative of mental health issues).
The distress caused by gender dysphoria is, of course, real. I fully support Feffy's right to transition and truly hope that his mental health continues to improve. The fact that he's still suicidal post transition is a serious cause for concern, of course, but I presume things were even worse before.
But given that all the affirmation he's received hasn't made him happy, I can't help but wonder whether we could be doing better for people experiencing this distress.
That is a great point re. still feeling suicidal. Makes me rethink my comment that he is actually healthier & happier. Hopefully that will come. Also, and at the risk of sounding facile, I hope that part of being healthier is perhaps less time online. I think Twitter is not a good place for people who are emotionally or mentally fragile.
"Also, and at the risk of sounding facile, I hope that part of being healthier is perhaps less time online."
God no. It doesn't sound facile. I think you're 100% correct.