Sure, but do you make a distinction between fetishisation and attraction? Or preference? I think a fetish is a wildly different thing to somebody who likes blonde hair or even who likes typically Asian features.
Sure, but do you make a distinction between fetishisation and attraction? Or preference? I think a fetish is a wildly different thing to somebody who likes blonde hair or even who likes typically Asian features.
"Fetish" is one of those words that's escaped its cage. It refers, explicitly to achieving sexual arousal from an object or from a part of the human body other than then accepted arousals, like woman's breasts or men's muscles or genitalia. To be aroused by feet is a fetish; to be aroused only by members of a certain race is not a fetish, it's a preference.
If you are sexually aroused by the sight of leather straps, you have a fetish.
The gray areas are secondary sexual characteristics like body hair.
The guy last year definitely exhibited a fetish for blonde women, and VERY much so for something else which I won't get into here, but it came out that he was very into porn which would explain both. A conversation about what we found attractive in others found him almost exclusively attracted to blonde women. So yeah, I'm gonna call it a fetish because I'm sorry, the human race is way too varied and good-looking to not be able to find *anyone* of another race and type attractive.
Yeah, I hear you. I'm definitely not saying there's no such thing as a fetishist. But this is a version of the "if you don't sleep with tarn people you're a transphobe'" argument, right?
Are you a penis fetishist because you sleep with "cis" men but not trans men? Or are the vast majority of women "height" fetishists because they aren't attracted to shorter men?
But more to the point, a man who is attracted to Asian women isn't necessarily *only* attracted to Asian women. Nobody is claiming as far as I'm aware that Long was only attracted to Asian women. He just went to an Asian massage parlour.
I get what you're saying. I think my ex fetishized blonde women because the reason why we split up was over his wanting to move to southern California, and I said I didn't want to move to a fucked state in a fucked country. He was definitely not into women of other races although he'd gone out with a few; blondes came up over and over again in his conversation, and we split up over California. Furthermore, it came out early that he watched a LOT of porn and he had two very strong desires for a certain look and a certain sexual practice, to the exclusion of everything else. He would do other stuff, but he really had a big thing for this one practice which wasn't offensive or harmful to me, but it definitely didn't do anything for me. I call them fetishes because of how much they came up in conversation when we talked about sex - blondes, this particular look and this particular practice. I wondered if he actually knew what he really liked in bed because it struck me (I could be wrong about this) that he everything he thought he liked he learned from porn. It's why I've gotten so interested in the past year in porn and its effect on men. Because I had no idea how common it is, and now I understand why men ask more often "Do you do anal?" That's now a big red flag for me that he likely watches a lot of porn, and I wonder if he's capable of emotional connection with a woman. My answer is now, "No, I don't do any of that porny shit." And I promptly lose interest.
Yeah, I'm sticking to calling him a fetishist.
BTW, he got REAL defensive in the earlierst convo we had about porn - BEFORE I knew he watched it - when I brought up a book I'd read that talked about how many women and girls are sex trafficked on YouPorn, PornHub, and other popular sites. Which led me down another rabbit hole - the resistance of men to so-called 'progressive' and 'feminist' women when it threatens male sexual pleasure. Denial really *is* a river in Egypt for them.
"Dudes do fetishize"
Sure, but do you make a distinction between fetishisation and attraction? Or preference? I think a fetish is a wildly different thing to somebody who likes blonde hair or even who likes typically Asian features.
(donning wordcop hat)
"Fetish" is one of those words that's escaped its cage. It refers, explicitly to achieving sexual arousal from an object or from a part of the human body other than then accepted arousals, like woman's breasts or men's muscles or genitalia. To be aroused by feet is a fetish; to be aroused only by members of a certain race is not a fetish, it's a preference.
If you are sexually aroused by the sight of leather straps, you have a fetish.
The gray areas are secondary sexual characteristics like body hair.
(doffing wordcop hat)
Yeah, agreed. I think maybe *arousal* that is *only* caused by members of a certain тАЬraceтАЭ could reasonably be described as a fetish.
But *attraction* to the typical features of a particular race, especially if this doesnтАЩt exclude others, seems to me to be just a preference.
What would you call it if a person is ONLY attracted to a very specific type?
The guy last year definitely exhibited a fetish for blonde women, and VERY much so for something else which I won't get into here, but it came out that he was very into porn which would explain both. A conversation about what we found attractive in others found him almost exclusively attracted to blonde women. So yeah, I'm gonna call it a fetish because I'm sorry, the human race is way too varied and good-looking to not be able to find *anyone* of another race and type attractive.
Yeah, I hear you. I'm definitely not saying there's no such thing as a fetishist. But this is a version of the "if you don't sleep with tarn people you're a transphobe'" argument, right?
Are you a penis fetishist because you sleep with "cis" men but not trans men? Or are the vast majority of women "height" fetishists because they aren't attracted to shorter men?
But more to the point, a man who is attracted to Asian women isn't necessarily *only* attracted to Asian women. Nobody is claiming as far as I'm aware that Long was only attracted to Asian women. He just went to an Asian massage parlour.
I get what you're saying. I think my ex fetishized blonde women because the reason why we split up was over his wanting to move to southern California, and I said I didn't want to move to a fucked state in a fucked country. He was definitely not into women of other races although he'd gone out with a few; blondes came up over and over again in his conversation, and we split up over California. Furthermore, it came out early that he watched a LOT of porn and he had two very strong desires for a certain look and a certain sexual practice, to the exclusion of everything else. He would do other stuff, but he really had a big thing for this one practice which wasn't offensive or harmful to me, but it definitely didn't do anything for me. I call them fetishes because of how much they came up in conversation when we talked about sex - blondes, this particular look and this particular practice. I wondered if he actually knew what he really liked in bed because it struck me (I could be wrong about this) that he everything he thought he liked he learned from porn. It's why I've gotten so interested in the past year in porn and its effect on men. Because I had no idea how common it is, and now I understand why men ask more often "Do you do anal?" That's now a big red flag for me that he likely watches a lot of porn, and I wonder if he's capable of emotional connection with a woman. My answer is now, "No, I don't do any of that porny shit." And I promptly lose interest.
Yeah, I'm sticking to calling him a fetishist.
BTW, he got REAL defensive in the earlierst convo we had about porn - BEFORE I knew he watched it - when I brought up a book I'd read that talked about how many women and girls are sex trafficked on YouPorn, PornHub, and other popular sites. Which led me down another rabbit hole - the resistance of men to so-called 'progressive' and 'feminist' women when it threatens male sexual pleasure. Denial really *is* a river in Egypt for them.