An unanticipated challenge of running a website full of arguments, is figuring out what to post at Christmas. After all, in the season of cheer and goodwill to all, the last thing I want to do is talk about the more unreasonable people among us. Thankfully most people old enough to be commenting on the internet have figured out how to be reasonable. Even if they didn’t get there on their first try,
I had a similar experience when I was traveling through the deep south in the late 60s, and I’m afraid I behaved as badly as this fellow traveling through Alabama. I was riding a bus that had a stewardess on it. she had a full uniform with the bus company‘s logo on it, and she served beverages and food when requested. That’s a pretty weird story right there, but my part in it involved my complicity with racism. I’d been sitting next to a black guy in an army uniform about my age, and we had been having a reasonably pleasant conversation. The stewardess came up to me and asked me if I would like to change my seat so I would be sitting next to a much older white woman. I had no desire to do this, because the black guy was good company, and certainly better company than this old white woman. But I was easily intimidated, and just meekly moved, leaving the black guy to stare self consciously out the window for the rest of the trip.
it would’ve been so easy to have stood up to that stewardess. The traveler through Alabama had a much better excuse than I did. That young white guy could have gotten violent, and this might have endangered the old man as much as it endangered our traveler. but I was dealing with a petite woman, and it was years after the civil rights bill had passed. I could’ve said “thank you for your concern, but this gentleman and I are having a very pleasant conversation and we would like to continue it.” but I still didn’t do it. I let an obviously racist act slide by, and I said nothing and did nothing.
to make things more complicated, The young black guy had spent some time saying how much he liked the ass on the stewardess, and how much he wanted to fuck her. I didn’t join in for that part of the conversation, but I didn’t call him out on it either. maybe she was trying to separate us because she overheard that conversation, and didn’t want to hear anymore of it. But I think her real motivation was racism.
Oof, yeah, that's rough. This is the work. Standing up for what's right is hard. Speaking up is hard. Risking criticism is hard. This is why so many people resort to #doingthework by reading books or posting black squares on Instagram or anonymously yelling at people on Twitter.
It's easy to say that we care, it's easy to make these low cost gestures, but it's hard to back it up with action. We all fall short sometimes. All we can hope is that the times we fail make us more determined to succeed on the next occasion.
Suppose he had said something like "Wait on that gentleman first, or I'm going elsewhere". I think there's a pretty good chance that the clerk would have beaten up the black guy or made his life miserable in someway. Unless you are planning on moving into that town and protecting the black guy for the rest of your life, you have no way of stopping this. Being afraid of this, The black guy would probably have said something like "Oh no, you go ahead, I don't need anything." So yeah you're right, the work is hard.
I would call his attitude more philogyny than misogyny. But it's certainly possible she separated us because of that. You never know whose losing/winning in the oppression olympics.
since I’ve said nothing but good things about you in all my other comments, and you imply here that you see certain kinds of criticism to be a gift, I thought I’d give you that gift here. I think I discovered a new kind of logical confusion, and you happen to be one of the people who got trapped by it. Here’s my article on it. Merry Christmas https://link.medium.com/60gkacjm9lb
I think this may be an example of an effect which is more wide ranging - when a situation way outside our normal life presents itself unexpectedly, and we don't know how to handle it in the moment. Only later do we come up with ideas (if we reflect), so that we might handle it better another time; it's much harder to "think on one's feet" without preparation. We think of comebacks, or that we should have called a manager, or given somebody the money they lost or whatever. In this case, that one should have insisted on waiting until the older gentleman was served.
I haven't encounters such apparent racism, but have unexpectedly come across a dispute between a couple which felt like it might have gotten violent, and I was unsure what to do. It was not in my playbook, not something I had thought out. Yeah, one can replay that in one's mind for a while, especially if it turns out badly (in my case it did not - but I didn't know).
If we never encounter a similar situation again, that's a good thing. I'm glad that Nin didn't have to report that he had since encountered similar situations frequently and was handling them better. It was rare enough in his life to date, that he has not needed to develop reflexes.
Good to end on a positive note. Happy holidays and new year to you!
Thank you! You too.
I had a similar experience when I was traveling through the deep south in the late 60s, and I’m afraid I behaved as badly as this fellow traveling through Alabama. I was riding a bus that had a stewardess on it. she had a full uniform with the bus company‘s logo on it, and she served beverages and food when requested. That’s a pretty weird story right there, but my part in it involved my complicity with racism. I’d been sitting next to a black guy in an army uniform about my age, and we had been having a reasonably pleasant conversation. The stewardess came up to me and asked me if I would like to change my seat so I would be sitting next to a much older white woman. I had no desire to do this, because the black guy was good company, and certainly better company than this old white woman. But I was easily intimidated, and just meekly moved, leaving the black guy to stare self consciously out the window for the rest of the trip.
it would’ve been so easy to have stood up to that stewardess. The traveler through Alabama had a much better excuse than I did. That young white guy could have gotten violent, and this might have endangered the old man as much as it endangered our traveler. but I was dealing with a petite woman, and it was years after the civil rights bill had passed. I could’ve said “thank you for your concern, but this gentleman and I are having a very pleasant conversation and we would like to continue it.” but I still didn’t do it. I let an obviously racist act slide by, and I said nothing and did nothing.
to make things more complicated, The young black guy had spent some time saying how much he liked the ass on the stewardess, and how much he wanted to fuck her. I didn’t join in for that part of the conversation, but I didn’t call him out on it either. maybe she was trying to separate us because she overheard that conversation, and didn’t want to hear anymore of it. But I think her real motivation was racism.
Oof, yeah, that's rough. This is the work. Standing up for what's right is hard. Speaking up is hard. Risking criticism is hard. This is why so many people resort to #doingthework by reading books or posting black squares on Instagram or anonymously yelling at people on Twitter.
It's easy to say that we care, it's easy to make these low cost gestures, but it's hard to back it up with action. We all fall short sometimes. All we can hope is that the times we fail make us more determined to succeed on the next occasion.
Suppose he had said something like "Wait on that gentleman first, or I'm going elsewhere". I think there's a pretty good chance that the clerk would have beaten up the black guy or made his life miserable in someway. Unless you are planning on moving into that town and protecting the black guy for the rest of your life, you have no way of stopping this. Being afraid of this, The black guy would probably have said something like "Oh no, you go ahead, I don't need anything." So yeah you're right, the work is hard.
I specifically mention that possibility just above your comment.
I would call his attitude more philogyny than misogyny. But it's certainly possible she separated us because of that. You never know whose losing/winning in the oppression olympics.
since I’ve said nothing but good things about you in all my other comments, and you imply here that you see certain kinds of criticism to be a gift, I thought I’d give you that gift here. I think I discovered a new kind of logical confusion, and you happen to be one of the people who got trapped by it. Here’s my article on it. Merry Christmas https://link.medium.com/60gkacjm9lb
Thanks Teed! Yes, constructive criticism is absolutely a gift. I've replied to the article.
I think this may be an example of an effect which is more wide ranging - when a situation way outside our normal life presents itself unexpectedly, and we don't know how to handle it in the moment. Only later do we come up with ideas (if we reflect), so that we might handle it better another time; it's much harder to "think on one's feet" without preparation. We think of comebacks, or that we should have called a manager, or given somebody the money they lost or whatever. In this case, that one should have insisted on waiting until the older gentleman was served.
I haven't encounters such apparent racism, but have unexpectedly come across a dispute between a couple which felt like it might have gotten violent, and I was unsure what to do. It was not in my playbook, not something I had thought out. Yeah, one can replay that in one's mind for a while, especially if it turns out badly (in my case it did not - but I didn't know).
If we never encounter a similar situation again, that's a good thing. I'm glad that Nin didn't have to report that he had since encountered similar situations frequently and was handling them better. It was rare enough in his life to date, that he has not needed to develop reflexes.