The chances of me asking a man for help are very slim. I know how that goes. Women (as a sex) MUST stop being so fucking WEAK. Yes, obviously individual circumstances vary. Arm yourselves and fight back (I don't think of guns as I live in Aus, I am thinking of a spray). Even just being extremely loud and aggressive is often enough. Women…
The chances of me asking a man for help are very slim. I know how that goes. Women (as a sex) MUST stop being so fucking WEAK. Yes, obviously individual circumstances vary. Arm yourselves and fight back (I don't think of guns as I live in Aus, I am thinking of a spray). Even just being extremely loud and aggressive is often enough. Women, as a sex have been conned into being compliant in situations where they have the right to scream for help.
However, I taught my kids early on to go to a middle aged woman for protection first - because that's your best hope of getting help. Where we will tolerate abuse for ourselves, most women will come to the aid of a vulnerable person if asked. Even just sitting next to a middle aged woman offers some protection on a train or bus etc.
Men, as a sex, tend to either simply not see it or pretend not to see it. That's just the reality and if you find yourself feeling triggered by that, do remember that reality doesn't care how you feel.
I will always defend a girl who wants to be left alone, where a man might tell her "He's just being friendly" if he deigns to intervene at all. And I will always start civilised and polite but I can scream the building down if required.
I have never forgotten the night in So Cal (where I lived for a few years), that I went to a 24 hour supermarket very late, maybe 11pm or so. It was a nice neighbourhood and I had insomnia at the time (see how I am explaining myself already, I'm a good girl, please believe me, I didn't deserve it!). The store was naturally almost deserted, being it was so late, but one man was there and he kept appearing near me no matter what aisle I was in.
Eventually I shook him off. I went out to the car to put my groceries in the boot and he suddenly appeared mumbling something about getting a lift. Without a word, I ran away - around the opposite side of the car to him - and ran back inside the supermarket. The only clerk was a large man, who seemed to be the manager.
I told him this man had me and been following me around the store and approached me in the car park. He came out to the car with me, and shooed him away. And then he said "He probably just wanted a lift though."
Yeah. A strange man followed a woman around the store at nearly midnight and crept out to her car in the darkness for a fucking LIFT. I honestly couldn't think what to say in reply. Either he was a total moron, or was being a deliberate moron because he sympathised with my potential rapist and attacker.
Either way, that is one of the very few times I have ever asked a man for help - and his response is exactly why. Who has the time or energy to convince a man you'd prefer not to be stalked, harassed and terrorised, only to be minimised and quite possibly ignored. Ask a middle aged woman for help, far higher chance she will give a damn.
Link to a story I wrote a while ago outlining the many, many, many experiences I have had of being harmed by men. Everyone already knows it's not all men.
Since we've tried literally everything else, women need to get much more aggressive about defending themselves.
Yes, all this that you say Celtic - AND - 95% of the time you don't need to have superior physical strength. If you can be REALLY assertive, you can make even most aggressive men leave you alone.
One time I was walking down the street and a man approached me and asked if I was available "for a chat". I said, "No, not really, I just want to be alone". But of course, he didn't take no for an answer, and started following me. I went into a bookstore. He came into the same bookstore. I ducked out and walked quickly down the street, but he stayed on my trail, and as I started walking down a sides treet towards my apartment, I heard footsteps behind me. Now, I was on a deserted street. It was daylight - Sunday afternoon - but there was no one around. I figured running wasn't an option because he would just overtake me, so instead I turned to face him and confront him.
"So, you're following me?" I asked
Looking sheepish, he admitted that he was.
"I've just never met anyone who dresses like you" he explained. I looked down at my clothes.
"You've never met anyone who wears jeans and a sweater?" I asked.
"I mean I guess it was your head scarf" (I was wearing my hair wrapped up in a scarf.)
"So you're following me down an empty street because I have my hair up in a scarf?"
"I guess so."
"Okay, well, look. I don't want to talk. Please just leave me alone. I want you to turn around and go back the way you came and stop following me."
He mumbled a bit and then finally agreed and walked away.
Thankfully, that is how that story ended.
I have another story. Thist time I was in an unfamiliar city, on the road, and decided to take a nap in my car in the parking lot of a public park. I woke up and had to pee, so I got up and walked towards the public bathroom. When I came out, I noticed the park was abandoned except for a group of guys, mostly Latino, who were hanging around the bathroom door. I started walking back to my car.
"Hey, Mamasita, what's going on?" one of them asked.
I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant although I had quickly grasped the peril of my situation.
"Nothing, just going back to my car," I said.
"Maybe we walk with you," he said and the whole group of them started to circle me. I was terrified. Thankfully, though, I was armed. I reached into my purse, pulled out my pepper spray and held it up.
"I'm going back to my car, ALONE," I said.
Their demeanor completely changed.
"Oh hey, no problem, we don't want no problem, Mamasita," he said.
They backed off.
I got back to my car, shaking. Got in. I drove away, and never ever ever went in the public bathroom in a park without checking my surroundings first again.
I am still afraid of what would have happened if I hadn't had that pepper spray. Would I even be here to tell the tale? It didn't look good.
Anyway, the moral of my story is this: the combination of pepper spray and strong talk has been enough to shut down all the creeps who have ever tried to hassle me - even when I was alone and outnumbered. Obviously, there are some creeps who wouldn't even be deterred by the pepper spray, or who would catch a woman by surprise before she could respond. So I am definitely not saying that men shouldn't stick up for women, or that we all shouldn't stick up for each other. Of course we should, but we should also all learn to defend ourselves to the best of our ability, because it really makes a difference.
Back when shopping malls were a thing (rapidly shuttering now) my wife when I was not with her waited until a man with family went out to the parking lot and she followed until she saw no stalkers and needed to change course to her car.
I wish I could convince her to arm herself, but I don't think she has it in her to kill someone so maybe it's best that she doesn't. Of course, that is for the gravest extreme. As a young woman, hotter than molten lava, she learned to deal with assholes.
A humorous story from you. She had not been in America that long when at lunch she walked thru the parking lot at work holding hands with a Thai friend. Some jerk called them lesbians. I'm told that she told him, "Oh yes, Seenuen is better in bed than my husband." He never said anything to them again. Not what he expected as a response. ;0)
Oh I was often accused of being a "dyke" by men I'd politely rejected. Once, having reached my limit with one particular cretin I said "No, I'm not a lesbian, but I'd still rather fuck her than fuck you," He snarled and slung his hook.
The chances of me asking a man for help are very slim. I know how that goes. Women (as a sex) MUST stop being so fucking WEAK. Yes, obviously individual circumstances vary. Arm yourselves and fight back (I don't think of guns as I live in Aus, I am thinking of a spray). Even just being extremely loud and aggressive is often enough. Women, as a sex have been conned into being compliant in situations where they have the right to scream for help.
However, I taught my kids early on to go to a middle aged woman for protection first - because that's your best hope of getting help. Where we will tolerate abuse for ourselves, most women will come to the aid of a vulnerable person if asked. Even just sitting next to a middle aged woman offers some protection on a train or bus etc.
Men, as a sex, tend to either simply not see it or pretend not to see it. That's just the reality and if you find yourself feeling triggered by that, do remember that reality doesn't care how you feel.
I will always defend a girl who wants to be left alone, where a man might tell her "He's just being friendly" if he deigns to intervene at all. And I will always start civilised and polite but I can scream the building down if required.
I have never forgotten the night in So Cal (where I lived for a few years), that I went to a 24 hour supermarket very late, maybe 11pm or so. It was a nice neighbourhood and I had insomnia at the time (see how I am explaining myself already, I'm a good girl, please believe me, I didn't deserve it!). The store was naturally almost deserted, being it was so late, but one man was there and he kept appearing near me no matter what aisle I was in.
Eventually I shook him off. I went out to the car to put my groceries in the boot and he suddenly appeared mumbling something about getting a lift. Without a word, I ran away - around the opposite side of the car to him - and ran back inside the supermarket. The only clerk was a large man, who seemed to be the manager.
I told him this man had me and been following me around the store and approached me in the car park. He came out to the car with me, and shooed him away. And then he said "He probably just wanted a lift though."
Yeah. A strange man followed a woman around the store at nearly midnight and crept out to her car in the darkness for a fucking LIFT. I honestly couldn't think what to say in reply. Either he was a total moron, or was being a deliberate moron because he sympathised with my potential rapist and attacker.
Either way, that is one of the very few times I have ever asked a man for help - and his response is exactly why. Who has the time or energy to convince a man you'd prefer not to be stalked, harassed and terrorised, only to be minimised and quite possibly ignored. Ask a middle aged woman for help, far higher chance she will give a damn.
Link to a story I wrote a while ago outlining the many, many, many experiences I have had of being harmed by men. Everyone already knows it's not all men.
Since we've tried literally everything else, women need to get much more aggressive about defending themselves.
https://celticchameleon.medium.com/ogled-in-the-park-and-other-stories-2c3237de8c08
Yes, all this that you say Celtic - AND - 95% of the time you don't need to have superior physical strength. If you can be REALLY assertive, you can make even most aggressive men leave you alone.
One time I was walking down the street and a man approached me and asked if I was available "for a chat". I said, "No, not really, I just want to be alone". But of course, he didn't take no for an answer, and started following me. I went into a bookstore. He came into the same bookstore. I ducked out and walked quickly down the street, but he stayed on my trail, and as I started walking down a sides treet towards my apartment, I heard footsteps behind me. Now, I was on a deserted street. It was daylight - Sunday afternoon - but there was no one around. I figured running wasn't an option because he would just overtake me, so instead I turned to face him and confront him.
"So, you're following me?" I asked
Looking sheepish, he admitted that he was.
"I've just never met anyone who dresses like you" he explained. I looked down at my clothes.
"You've never met anyone who wears jeans and a sweater?" I asked.
"I mean I guess it was your head scarf" (I was wearing my hair wrapped up in a scarf.)
"So you're following me down an empty street because I have my hair up in a scarf?"
"I guess so."
"Okay, well, look. I don't want to talk. Please just leave me alone. I want you to turn around and go back the way you came and stop following me."
He mumbled a bit and then finally agreed and walked away.
Thankfully, that is how that story ended.
I have another story. Thist time I was in an unfamiliar city, on the road, and decided to take a nap in my car in the parking lot of a public park. I woke up and had to pee, so I got up and walked towards the public bathroom. When I came out, I noticed the park was abandoned except for a group of guys, mostly Latino, who were hanging around the bathroom door. I started walking back to my car.
"Hey, Mamasita, what's going on?" one of them asked.
I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant although I had quickly grasped the peril of my situation.
"Nothing, just going back to my car," I said.
"Maybe we walk with you," he said and the whole group of them started to circle me. I was terrified. Thankfully, though, I was armed. I reached into my purse, pulled out my pepper spray and held it up.
"I'm going back to my car, ALONE," I said.
Their demeanor completely changed.
"Oh hey, no problem, we don't want no problem, Mamasita," he said.
They backed off.
I got back to my car, shaking. Got in. I drove away, and never ever ever went in the public bathroom in a park without checking my surroundings first again.
I am still afraid of what would have happened if I hadn't had that pepper spray. Would I even be here to tell the tale? It didn't look good.
Anyway, the moral of my story is this: the combination of pepper spray and strong talk has been enough to shut down all the creeps who have ever tried to hassle me - even when I was alone and outnumbered. Obviously, there are some creeps who wouldn't even be deterred by the pepper spray, or who would catch a woman by surprise before she could respond. So I am definitely not saying that men shouldn't stick up for women, or that we all shouldn't stick up for each other. Of course we should, but we should also all learn to defend ourselves to the best of our ability, because it really makes a difference.
I've got a temper, it has saved me several times. I should really write about some of the incidents where's it's risen to my defence.
Back when shopping malls were a thing (rapidly shuttering now) my wife when I was not with her waited until a man with family went out to the parking lot and she followed until she saw no stalkers and needed to change course to her car.
I wish I could convince her to arm herself, but I don't think she has it in her to kill someone so maybe it's best that she doesn't. Of course, that is for the gravest extreme. As a young woman, hotter than molten lava, she learned to deal with assholes.
A humorous story from you. She had not been in America that long when at lunch she walked thru the parking lot at work holding hands with a Thai friend. Some jerk called them lesbians. I'm told that she told him, "Oh yes, Seenuen is better in bed than my husband." He never said anything to them again. Not what he expected as a response. ;0)
Oh I was often accused of being a "dyke" by men I'd politely rejected. Once, having reached my limit with one particular cretin I said "No, I'm not a lesbian, but I'd still rather fuck her than fuck you," He snarled and slung his hook.