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Oh, I remember her. Subway Chick. Who threw away the new dress she wore because they harassed her while wearing it, even though none of them touched her. I wrote a response to it a few weeks later, reposted on my blog. growsomelabia.com/post/…
I didn't tag her, I don't remember if she discovered it or not, but I castigated her a bit for i…
Oh, I remember her. Subway Chick. Who threw away the new dress she wore because they harassed her while wearing it, even though none of them touched her. I wrote a response to it a few weeks later, reposted on my blog. https://www.growsomelabia.com/post/if-a-man-ogles-a-woman-and-she-doesn-t-notice-has-she-been-harassed
I didn't tag her, I don't remember if she discovered it or not, but I castigated her a bit for increasing her own suffering by layering her own misinterpretations on it and making it an attack by Da Patriarchy (dun dun DUUUUNNNN!) on everything she's ever worked for.
Agreed, women and antiracists say 'do the work' when what they really mean is, "I don't know what that means either, but anyway *my* responsibility* is actually *your* responsibility, and I can't feel happy and safe until *you* change."
This is the fundamental error in much of social justice's ideology. *You* have to change, not *me*.
Ironically, the chickies who bleat the loudest about 'rape culture' are the ones who allow it to perpetuate consequence-free, and who expect Da Patriarchy to protect them from Da Patriarchy.
And when there is a 'good man' around to step in for us...that's awesome. Happened to me not long after this gal's incident. I thanked him for being a good ally and for doing what I *didn't* think to do, which was to call the police and report him. That was *my* bad, but lesson learned for next time.
No matter what marginalized group you're in, you live in the Real World and you have to take steps to protect yourself. Which is why I've got a killer keychain in case anyone decides to give me some serious shit. I can't always count on a Good Guy to be around.
One thing she could have done was to provide a little public humiliation. Saying to them on the ride, loudly, "Hey guys, do you treat all women this way? Does you mom have nice tits? Do you think other guys like looking at your mom's tits and wondering what she must look like topless? Do you have a daughter? Would you want drunken assholes to treat *her* this way? What do you think gives you the right to harass a stranger on a subway? Were you raised by wolves in the forest?" Maybe take out your phone and snap a few photos or a video. Then post it later on social media.
Make there be *consequences*.
Women (and non-whites) have to do some work too--personally. Learn how to stand up for themselves and provide *consequences* for bad behaviour.
"Who threw away the new dress she wore because they harassed her while wearing it, even though none of them touched her."
I don't know, maybe this is me being patriarchal and infantilising, but I have a lot of sympathy for what Julie went though. And I can imagine, after being harassed like that, you'd second guess yourself every time you wore that particular dress.
Some people would probably argue that she should take her power back or not let those men control her actions, I can see that argument too, but I don't think she's being melodramatic by not wanting to wear it any more.
But yes, the bigger problem is what to do about behaviour like this. And the only answer I can think of is that more people need to take action themselves instead of complaining that somebody else isn't doing so.
If each one of us decided to "be the change," if it was a safe bet that people of *either* sex would speak up when somebody was out of line, I think anti social behaviour would plummet. But, of course, that's much harder and scarier than pointing fingers at somebody else.
Her experience is what it is, but I lost patience with overblown examples of harasssment. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant but FFS my reaction to increased violence on the TTC is to arm myself with sort of legal things to carry (they're legal to carry, just not to plan to use them as a weapon). My friend and I got hassled but not hurt last fall & I've been subjected to other uncomfortable scenes in proximity not directed at me. My attitude isn't to piss and moan about crime, men, and the patriarchy but to be prepared and *not allow* people to get away with this stuff (not just men...women are perps too here).
The problem with her overblown story is that all the weakling feminists on Medium crowd around..."oh, poor baby, poor baby, it's terrible how we can't go on the the subway without being hassled..." as though women were the *only* ones being hassled anywhere. It encourages passive femninity. These are the *same* women who encourage rape victims not to report because 'you won't be believed'. Well, you won't be believed by everyone but you will be by some and you might even be believed by the justice & legal system. Not reporting rape because 'you won't be believed' perpetuates both the 'rape culture' they're always going on about and never challenges the real possibility that she *won't* be believed. Or they'll say, "even if it goes to trial he probably won't get convicted or he'll get a light sentence." Also probably true but he might *not* and even if the case is thrown out he gets to shit his pants for awhile wondering what might happen to him in prison. I've written about *that* too, how rapists who get off lightly still suffer consequences women and victim rights advocates don't acknowledge.
Sarah wasn't raped, she wasn't touched, and had the guys been sober I'd be more sympathetic, but honestly, when I read that two years ago I thought she was overblowing it all.
"Does you mom have nice tits? Do you think other guys like looking at your mom's tits and wondering what she must look like topless? Do you have a daughter? Would you want drunken assholes to treat *her* this way?" Spot on. There are very few people in this world that don't have somebody in their life. To appeal to the thug as if strangers were his own family is spot on. We all need to see family in the stranger faces around us. When I beheld my own children at birth, I loved not just them but everyone a bit more. There has to be a way to get thugs to see humans instead of prey.