I keep looking to read articles that advance the gridlocked state of a debate and this a good example of doing that. Amber's right, all women have suffered sexual harassment and few of us have had men defend us (honestly, I wouldn't even know what that looked like), while consistently relying on other women to have our back. You are also…
I keep looking to read articles that advance the gridlocked state of a debate and this a good example of doing that. Amber's right, all women have suffered sexual harassment and few of us have had men defend us (honestly, I wouldn't even know what that looked like), while consistently relying on other women to have our back. You are also right, not all men want to make our lives difficult in this way and if we want them to start stepping up in public (the way you have) then we have to stop alienating men in these discussions. I think women like Amber (and definitely myself0 have this underlying sense of deep heartbreak/sadness/betrayal that men don't seem to care enough to protect us from other men, that we don't matter to them, and this comes out as anger and blame. It was an interesting read watching you diffuse Amber's anger and to see that you both really are on the same page. I don't know what the way forward is but this is a start.
"I think women like Amber (and definitely myself0 have this underlying sense of deep heartbreak/sadness/betrayal that men don't seem to care enough to protect us from other men, that we don't matter to them, and this comes out as anger and blame"
100% And I do understand this feeling. To once again make the comparison with racism, I think some black people feel something very much like this about white people. I think a key challenge for all marginalised people is to move past the blame phase so that we can start talking productively and collaboratively about solutions.
I think men SHOULD stand up for others. So should women. Why should it always be men putting themselves in danger? How can *we* be better allies to others being threatened? We maybe can't take down a Jordan Neely but then again we might...I've often considered what I'd do if an unarmed man was seriously physically threatening someone. Maybe wrap my arms around his neck and give him something to think about like violence (like, say, breathing again!) Would I have the labia to do it? Maybe, but I don't know until I'm in the moment. Would I put myself in danger? Pretty likely. I don't know whether I would, or what would happen. But I've already put myself in danger for a woman in my building by calling the police on a guy and he knows where I live (long story). Nothing happened. He didn't come back to take his revenge. I took a chance, a gamble, and I won.
I keep looking to read articles that advance the gridlocked state of a debate and this a good example of doing that. Amber's right, all women have suffered sexual harassment and few of us have had men defend us (honestly, I wouldn't even know what that looked like), while consistently relying on other women to have our back. You are also right, not all men want to make our lives difficult in this way and if we want them to start stepping up in public (the way you have) then we have to stop alienating men in these discussions. I think women like Amber (and definitely myself0 have this underlying sense of deep heartbreak/sadness/betrayal that men don't seem to care enough to protect us from other men, that we don't matter to them, and this comes out as anger and blame. It was an interesting read watching you diffuse Amber's anger and to see that you both really are on the same page. I don't know what the way forward is but this is a start.
"I think women like Amber (and definitely myself0 have this underlying sense of deep heartbreak/sadness/betrayal that men don't seem to care enough to protect us from other men, that we don't matter to them, and this comes out as anger and blame"
100% And I do understand this feeling. To once again make the comparison with racism, I think some black people feel something very much like this about white people. I think a key challenge for all marginalised people is to move past the blame phase so that we can start talking productively and collaboratively about solutions.
I think men SHOULD stand up for others. So should women. Why should it always be men putting themselves in danger? How can *we* be better allies to others being threatened? We maybe can't take down a Jordan Neely but then again we might...I've often considered what I'd do if an unarmed man was seriously physically threatening someone. Maybe wrap my arms around his neck and give him something to think about like violence (like, say, breathing again!) Would I have the labia to do it? Maybe, but I don't know until I'm in the moment. Would I put myself in danger? Pretty likely. I don't know whether I would, or what would happen. But I've already put myself in danger for a woman in my building by calling the police on a guy and he knows where I live (long story). Nothing happened. He didn't come back to take his revenge. I took a chance, a gamble, and I won.