"A woman can wear pants a lot more easily than a man can wear a dress."
Haha, true. But I'm thinking beynd fashion options.
Men can apply for pretty much any job (with the exeption of nursing or being a nanny I guess), particularly well paying jobs, and be taken seriously. Nobody will think it's novel or weird or some kind of "feminist" statement that he's applying.
There's infinitely less pressure on men to consider their looks. Not that being good-looking is irrelevant for men, but it accounts for so much less of our "worth." It's not normalised that I should paint my face every single day to be considered acceptable for public consumption. I can wear pretty much whatever clothing I want (dresses aside) without being told I'm "flaunting" my body. I don't have to think about "covering up," or being considered (and treated like) a slut if I *don't* cover up.
Boys are almost universally given more freedom by their parents when they're growing up (which is a significant factor in developing confidence). No stereotypically over-protective dads threatening to pulverise any girl who touches his son. No lectures about maintaining his "virtue." At least for heterosexual men, there's no issue with expressing our sexuality at all really.
Even seemingly little things, like being treated as if you're too weak or fragile to handle yourself, must be endlessly frustrating when multiplied by a million different interactions.
As a man myself, I'm well aware that being a man isn't all toxic masculinity and patriarchy parties. I think the pressures men face are enormously under-recognised and under-empathised with by society today. Nor am I blind to the enormous advantages that come from being an attractive woman (although, again, that attractiveness brings downsides). But I think that for the average person, in many of the most important, material aspects of life, it's easier to move around as a man.
I just think they're restricted in different ways. Women are "allowed" more access to the softer side of the emotinal range. Men, more access to the more dominant, aggressive side. this suits some men and doesn't suit others. The same for women.
Yeah. OTOH, when men express emotions of dominance and aggressiveness, they're *castigated* because-a it. "Toxic masculinity." You ever heard-a "toxic femininity?" I haven't.
And the caring emotions women are famous for are sometimes DISrespected in a man. But not always, tho, so there is that.
Actual metrics in double-blind and peer-reviewed studies show that women are every bit as aggressive as men on average, and men are every bit as social as women. I didn't believe it either but the methods were open for stringent review.
One observation most consistent across decades in debates both F2F and in print: women seem much more inclined to treat disagreement, however polite, as attack.
That's interesting. And it doesn't surprise me how people treat disagreements different.
But that implies, AFAIK, that expression of aggressiveness amongst females is suppressed by social constructs, right? You're not saying when generally *express* aggressiveness as much as men, in these peer-reviewed studies.
Still makes me wonder why I've never heard-a toxic femininity.
I think it must be exhausting for teenage boys and men to constantly be subjected to 'gay policing': Having to watch everything you say, do, wear, or consume [media] because it/YOU might be 'gay'. Michael Kimmel describes it in his book Guyland. I know one of the reasons why we see vaginas in non-porn movies but very rarely dicks is because male viewers will be highly discomfited if they see a dick in a non-porn movie) and worry that they're gay, that someone saw them watching the scene and suspect the watcher might be gay. Seriously? You don't know what's coming, you see a sex scene with a dick in it, even just a flaccid one, and you think you're gay for watching it? Or that the guy next to you might be gay because he didn't immediately look away like women do at the Braveheart evisceration scene?
Then there's all the emotional stuffing and burying that has to be done to not be 'unmanly' (i.e., 'womanly'), i.e., don't you DARE try to talk about it with your friends, because they're all too busy pretending everything's fine, nothing matters, nothing ever hurts you. So men bury their pain with drugs and alcohol and toxic masculinity, because they're no more allowed to be their true selves than women. Or non-binary whatevers.
"I think it must be exhausting for teenage boys and men to constantly be subjected to 'gay policing': Having to watch everything you say, do, wear, or consume [media] because it/YOU might be 'gay'."
Hmm, I imporant to distinguish between gendered expectations and just blatant homophobia though. Yes, men are less "free" to express emption and affection with each other, that's a gender thing. But if you're "worried" that you're gay because you saw a penis in a non-porn context, a) you're a homophobe and b) you're probably gay.
"But it's hard to argue that the expectations and pressures placed on women aren't more restrictive in general."
A woman can wear pants a lot more easily than a man can wear a dress.
"A woman can wear pants a lot more easily than a man can wear a dress."
Haha, true. But I'm thinking beynd fashion options.
Men can apply for pretty much any job (with the exeption of nursing or being a nanny I guess), particularly well paying jobs, and be taken seriously. Nobody will think it's novel or weird or some kind of "feminist" statement that he's applying.
There's infinitely less pressure on men to consider their looks. Not that being good-looking is irrelevant for men, but it accounts for so much less of our "worth." It's not normalised that I should paint my face every single day to be considered acceptable for public consumption. I can wear pretty much whatever clothing I want (dresses aside) without being told I'm "flaunting" my body. I don't have to think about "covering up," or being considered (and treated like) a slut if I *don't* cover up.
Boys are almost universally given more freedom by their parents when they're growing up (which is a significant factor in developing confidence). No stereotypically over-protective dads threatening to pulverise any girl who touches his son. No lectures about maintaining his "virtue." At least for heterosexual men, there's no issue with expressing our sexuality at all really.
Even seemingly little things, like being treated as if you're too weak or fragile to handle yourself, must be endlessly frustrating when multiplied by a million different interactions.
As a man myself, I'm well aware that being a man isn't all toxic masculinity and patriarchy parties. I think the pressures men face are enormously under-recognised and under-empathised with by society today. Nor am I blind to the enormous advantages that come from being an attractive woman (although, again, that attractiveness brings downsides). But I think that for the average person, in many of the most important, material aspects of life, it's easier to move around as a man.
A tall and good-looking man will be hired despite being much less qualified, though I suppose there is an analogy for women. And *smile*
I was gonna say earlier, but decided not to:
A woman is less restricted emotionally than a man is, IMO.
I just think they're restricted in different ways. Women are "allowed" more access to the softer side of the emotinal range. Men, more access to the more dominant, aggressive side. this suits some men and doesn't suit others. The same for women.
Yeah. OTOH, when men express emotions of dominance and aggressiveness, they're *castigated* because-a it. "Toxic masculinity." You ever heard-a "toxic femininity?" I haven't.
And the caring emotions women are famous for are sometimes DISrespected in a man. But not always, tho, so there is that.
Actual metrics in double-blind and peer-reviewed studies show that women are every bit as aggressive as men on average, and men are every bit as social as women. I didn't believe it either but the methods were open for stringent review.
One observation most consistent across decades in debates both F2F and in print: women seem much more inclined to treat disagreement, however polite, as attack.
That's interesting. And it doesn't surprise me how people treat disagreements different.
But that implies, AFAIK, that expression of aggressiveness amongst females is suppressed by social constructs, right? You're not saying when generally *express* aggressiveness as much as men, in these peer-reviewed studies.
Still makes me wonder why I've never heard-a toxic femininity.
I think it must be exhausting for teenage boys and men to constantly be subjected to 'gay policing': Having to watch everything you say, do, wear, or consume [media] because it/YOU might be 'gay'. Michael Kimmel describes it in his book Guyland. I know one of the reasons why we see vaginas in non-porn movies but very rarely dicks is because male viewers will be highly discomfited if they see a dick in a non-porn movie) and worry that they're gay, that someone saw them watching the scene and suspect the watcher might be gay. Seriously? You don't know what's coming, you see a sex scene with a dick in it, even just a flaccid one, and you think you're gay for watching it? Or that the guy next to you might be gay because he didn't immediately look away like women do at the Braveheart evisceration scene?
Then there's all the emotional stuffing and burying that has to be done to not be 'unmanly' (i.e., 'womanly'), i.e., don't you DARE try to talk about it with your friends, because they're all too busy pretending everything's fine, nothing matters, nothing ever hurts you. So men bury their pain with drugs and alcohol and toxic masculinity, because they're no more allowed to be their true selves than women. Or non-binary whatevers.
"I think it must be exhausting for teenage boys and men to constantly be subjected to 'gay policing': Having to watch everything you say, do, wear, or consume [media] because it/YOU might be 'gay'."
Hmm, I imporant to distinguish between gendered expectations and just blatant homophobia though. Yes, men are less "free" to express emption and affection with each other, that's a gender thing. But if you're "worried" that you're gay because you saw a penis in a non-porn context, a) you're a homophobe and b) you're probably gay.
My observation is most are a), but I've not taken a poll or anything :)
I use тАЬM.тАЭ like the French do, for Monsieur but ALSO for Madam and Mademoiselle EQUALLY. ThatтАЩs just me.
TY for Your reply, M. Chardenet.
I'm afraid You have the right of it.
Merci beaucoup, M. T! :)