What Should I Call Myself If I Am Uncomfortable With The Term Woman?

There have been many words used to describe people with my skin tone over the years. But “black” seems to have stuck. And even though my skin is clearly (a rather delightful shade of) brown, I’ve never had any problem with that label.

Being black isn’t a role or a culture or an “identity,” it’s just a commonly understood descriptor for people with African ancestry. 

Once upon a time, the word “woman” was a commonly understood (and wholly uncontroversial) descriptor for adult human females. But today, it seems to be causing all kinds of confusion. Both in men who want to appropriate it, and women who want to reject it.

And the following snippet from a long exchange on Twitter beautifully illustrates the root of that confusion.

Noiam shared a photo of Blaire White, a well-known transgender YouTuber, to support the belief that womanhood is purely subjective. I mean, anybody with fake breasts and hair extensions must be a woman, right?

Adhib wasn’t so sure.

---

Noiam:

Is this person a man?

---

Adhib:

Yes. My turn: Is exposed skin, bolt-on tits and lipstick what defines women, for you?

---

Noiam:

The answer to "what is a woman" cannot be communicated through 240 characters. it is a philosophical question, and philosophy differs from person to person. what I believe a woman is is different from your beliefs. I believe a woman is whoever genuinely identifies as one.

---

Adhib:

Bollocks. It's biology. Flim-flam beyond that is patriarchal hogwash.

---

---

Noiam:

Societies have always had gender variant people. we're just more accepting of them today.

---

Adhib:

You apparently have no clue how gender functions. Gender is a prison with two cells. Swapping one cell for the other is not freedom.

---

Noiam:

As a non-binary person, I don't want to be in either cell. I want to be free.

---

Adhib:

... and yet you define yourself in relation to the prison. "Non-binary" is just a spin-off series in the binary franchise. To reject the gender identity framework entirely, you'd stand on your own feet, with just your particular character and bare personality, gender-free.

---

Noiam:

Do you prefer the term agender?

---

Adhib:

No.

---

Noiam:

Then what should I call myself if I am uncomfortable with the term woman?

---

Adhib:

A misogynist? Seriously, the term that refers to your sex should have no effect on you or your sense of yourself, your personality, or character. It should present you with no discomfort at all. Have you examined why you aren't comfortable with it?

---

“A misogynist?”

And there it is. This is truly the slam-dunkiest of slam-dunks. 

It’s not a novel observation that gender ideology is built on misogyny. But could there be any purer expression of the impact of that misogyny than a woman rejecting the word that describes what she is?

The word “woman” was never meant to be an “identity” or a role or a political statement. In fact, whatever political weight it does carry is based entirely on the fact that women are marginalised. 

Women throughout history didn’t want to fight for “women’s rights,” they just wanted the right to participate equally in society. Women around the world would rather not need “women’s spaces,” but sadly, those are the only spaces where they’re free from the threat of male violence.

High heels, makeup, “wifely behaviour”, this is not womanhood. Women have been fighting against society’s imposition of these stereotypes since time immemorial. Yet here we are, in 2023, arguing with people who believe the stereotypes are all there is.

---

Noiam:

I acknowledge my biological sex, female, but I feel as the the term woman just doesn't describe me properly. also, woman isn't a "biological term". if it was, we would be calling single celled organisms women.

---

Adhib:

Woman refers to the mature female of the human species, as doe does for deer. That's all. The unpleasant connotations that holds, for you, are worth examining. Why SHOULD it bother you, this aspect of your physical being? Why is the word so loaded with negativity?

---

Noiam:

I don't view the label woman as negative, I just don't think it works for me.

---

Adhib:

How does it not fit you? In what respect?

---

Noiam:

It just doesn't. it's hard to put into words.

---

Adhib:

I understand it's difficult. If you literally can't explain it, then that, in itself, is an interesting thing to think about.

I think of both "man" and "woman" as fully human, open categories, in no way confining or determining of who and how we can live. Gender disagrees.

---

In the interests of fairness, Adhib cheated a little at the beginning of this conversation. 

Without prior knowledge, for the vast majority of people, I think Blaire White would pass as a woman. But the only reason the word “pass” is necessary in that sentence is that Blaire White is not a woman. Millions of people have been brainwashed into thinking it’s hateful to admit this. 

It’s not.

A woman is an adult human female. And Blaire is an adult human male who feels more comfortable presenting in a stereotypically feminine way. Far more stereotypically feminine than most women. 

To be clear, I think this is fine. We should all be free to embrace or reject gendered stereotypes, to whatever degree makes us happy, without fear of stigma or discrimination or violence. It’s a genuine problem that our society doesn’t currently allow this. 

But as Germaine Greer eloquently points out, gender (aka this performance of femininity and masculinity), is a role that men and women play. To equate the performance with the underlying reality obscures all the ways in which the realities of women’s lives differ from those of effeminate men.

As I said, women have been battling society’s imposition of gender roles for years. Apparently, the latest incarnation of that battle is to claim not to be a woman. But wouldn't it be better if we grew out of the idea that descriptors like “woman” (and “man”) are roles at all?