I think that "attitude" comes from the idea that it's about malice and disrespect. My wife had been in America for a few days. We were in my aunt's car, she was driving, with my mom and uncle in the front seat. My wife and I were in the back seat. My uncle turned and looked right at me and started talking about "gooks." He was a Korean W…
I think that "attitude" comes from the idea that it's about malice and disrespect. My wife had been in America for a few days. We were in my aunt's car, she was driving, with my mom and uncle in the front seat. My wife and I were in the back seat. My uncle turned and looked right at me and started talking about "gooks." He was a Korean War veteran, and like many Vietnam veterans in those days that word got a lot of use. But he clearly meant it maliciously, leading me to the thought of ripping his eyeballs out and stuffing them up his ass. Out of respect to my mom and aunt I let it slide, but always despised the MF after that. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. My feelings weren't hurt, but as a young man, fighting words called for a fight.
"My uncle turned and looked right at me and started talking about "gooks." He was a Korean War veteran, and like many Vietnam veterans in those days that word got a lot of use."
Yeah, there are some layers here considering he's a war veteran, I guess. We've talked before about how people are taught to dehumanise the enemy. And terms like these are certainly a part of that.
This is why I often say that words like these only really say something about the person using them. They speak to pain in that person's life. To a lack of thought about the views they hold. To fear. Honestly, that's all I hear when I hear words like that come out of somebody's mouth now.
That said, direct a word like that at somebody I love and I probably won't be so understanding.
‘Malice and disrespect’ - perfect. When the black kids in my junior high jeered at the way veins showed on my legs I was both humiliated and oddly shamed (and outnumbered...and afraid). I told myself I learned humility and that isn’t a bad thing but the countless similar incidents drove home the fact that I was hated for my skin color and it was bullying, plain and simple. Your uncle’s callous and deliberately hurtful words may have stemmed from his Vietnam experiences but he’s a damned adult and should have been able to act with a bit more grace. Sorry you both had to go through that.
I was a different man then. At this point in time, assholes are part of the scenery in the journey thru life and I try to not let them unduly influence my state of mind.
I think that "attitude" comes from the idea that it's about malice and disrespect. My wife had been in America for a few days. We were in my aunt's car, she was driving, with my mom and uncle in the front seat. My wife and I were in the back seat. My uncle turned and looked right at me and started talking about "gooks." He was a Korean War veteran, and like many Vietnam veterans in those days that word got a lot of use. But he clearly meant it maliciously, leading me to the thought of ripping his eyeballs out and stuffing them up his ass. Out of respect to my mom and aunt I let it slide, but always despised the MF after that. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. My feelings weren't hurt, but as a young man, fighting words called for a fight.
"My uncle turned and looked right at me and started talking about "gooks." He was a Korean War veteran, and like many Vietnam veterans in those days that word got a lot of use."
Yeah, there are some layers here considering he's a war veteran, I guess. We've talked before about how people are taught to dehumanise the enemy. And terms like these are certainly a part of that.
This is why I often say that words like these only really say something about the person using them. They speak to pain in that person's life. To a lack of thought about the views they hold. To fear. Honestly, that's all I hear when I hear words like that come out of somebody's mouth now.
That said, direct a word like that at somebody I love and I probably won't be so understanding.
"That said, direct a word like that at somebody I love and I probably won't be so understanding."
That's the thing, it is easier to let that stuff pass aimed at me than when it is aimed at someone we love.
Yeah absolutely. Even then it's not so much the word as the intent to hurt someone I care about.
‘Malice and disrespect’ - perfect. When the black kids in my junior high jeered at the way veins showed on my legs I was both humiliated and oddly shamed (and outnumbered...and afraid). I told myself I learned humility and that isn’t a bad thing but the countless similar incidents drove home the fact that I was hated for my skin color and it was bullying, plain and simple. Your uncle’s callous and deliberately hurtful words may have stemmed from his Vietnam experiences but he’s a damned adult and should have been able to act with a bit more grace. Sorry you both had to go through that.
I was a different man then. At this point in time, assholes are part of the scenery in the journey thru life and I try to not let them unduly influence my state of mind.
True that.