Unlike You I'd Apologise For Following Such A Person

Being an “ally” is weird.

Not only because picking an identity group and declaring yourself their online saviour (instead of just helping people who need help) is weird. But because of the dogmatic, incoherent, almost-always-mean ways people demonstrate their “ally-ship.”

In 2022, being an ally means ignoring the mistakes of your side, no matter how egregious, attacking your enemies, no matter how benign, and sticking to the talking-points, no matter how dishonest you have to be to do so.

Today’s conversation started with a screenshot of a woman named Caroline Farrow’s homophobic and transphobic tweets, side-by-side with a screenshot of JK Rowling, from months later, tweeting her, “Big love”.

I pointed out that tweeting “big love” isn’t quite the same thing as endorsing everything someone has ever said. Especially as Rowling has a long history of standing up for gay rights.

A user who we’ll call Chimp (I’m not being mean, that’s part of their username), disagreed:

---

Steve QJ:

I honestly don’t understand guilt by association. Yes, Farrow’s comments are gross and bigoted. But Rowling didn’t subtweet saying “I agree!” She expressed support about something totally unrelated. Do we have to agree with everything anyone has ever said before speaking to them?

---

Chimp:

If you didn't support homophobia and transphobia then you wouldn't go around supporting someone who does, not like they are disagreeing about something inconsequential.

---

Steve QJ:

She isn’t “going around supporting” her. She expressed support regarding abuse from TRAs. Something Rowling knows a little about. Hate Rowling all you want, but to call her homophobic because she sent an unrelated tweet to a homophobe is asinine. Deep down I think you know that.

---

Chimp:

It is a rather basic part of being an ally to not go around offering support to those who hate those you apparently care about, so you can excuse it all you like but no one who supports the LGBTQ+ community sends support to those who hate us.

---

The reason activism is getting a bad rap lately, is that it’s been turned on its head.

Instead of it being about changing people’s minds and gathering people to the cause, it is always and only about attacking people and yelling at them for having “the wrong opinion.”

It’s frustratingly rare to see somebody who wants to find common ground or change people’s minds. For too many people, fighting and drawing battle lines has become the whole game.

---

Steve QJ:

Yes, this is true. But again, do you expect her to vet the words of everybody she interacts with on Twitter? Without seeing these screenshots, I'd have had no idea that Farrow was a homophobe. You seem nice, but I have no idea if you're a racist. Twitter is not real life.

---

Chimp:

If you are an ally you take a few seconds to check who you are supporting, not difficult.

---

Steve QJ:

Jesus. I barely use Twitter, and I've spoken to hundreds of people on here. I have never, not a single time, *googled their name first*. If you think this is a reasonable standard you're out of your mind. Being a stalker is not a pre-requisite for supporting the LGBT community.

---

Chimp:

Don't need to even do that, you can see who they are retweeting or liking or what they are even saying themselves. Just because you have skin in the game of peddling transphobia yourself doesn't mean that others shouldn't be condemned for supporting other bigots.

---

Steve QJ:

Yep, okay. I wonder how long I'd need to spend on your timeline before I found a retweet or a “like” of somebody who said something misogynistic. Does that make you a misogynist? It's so sad to me that you can't see how much you're hurting your own cause.

---

Chimp:

Go ahead, unlike you I'd apologise for following such a person and unfollow/block them. Doubt you'd do the same for all the transphobes and fascists you follow and have liked tweets from.

---

For everybody with the good sense not to use Twitter, and who may therefore not know what Chimp is talking about, you can go to any user’s profile and look up the tweets they’ve “liked” or people they follow.

Apparently I’d “liked” something at some point that set off the alarms.

---

Steve QJ:

😅 “transphobes and fascists.” This is exactly the problem. I follow numerous people who I partially or even completely disagree with. That's how you avoid getting so deluded by your echo chamber that you think everyone who thinks differently is a "transphobe/fascist".

If you think there's *ever* a need to “apologise” because you clicked “follow” or “like” on a website, you need to reevaluate some things.

---

Chimp:

Called being a true ally to those who are oppressed, unlike you I am strong enough to live and learn from my mistakes but clearly you are so far down the rabbit hole you have zero interest in that.

Liking their tweets is wholly or partially disagreeing is it?

---

Steve QJ:

😅 Liking a tweet is nothing! It's a reminder to read something later, it's a recognition of a good point, it's a “thankyou” for providing a link. I've agreed with tweets from people who I'm sure I'd loathe if I ever met them. Seriously, Twitter is not real life! Get outside more.

---

Chimp:

Still need to read someone being transphobic from back in December? Pathetic excuse from you to try and justify your bigotry.

---

Yes, that’s right. Chimp trawled through six-months-worth of my “like” history until they found evidence of me clicking a little cartoon heart next to something they disagreed with. What more evidence could you need that I’m a bigot?

---

Steve QJ:

😅😅Do you think mentally healthy people worry about clearing out their "likes" just in case a stranger looks through them and jumps to conclusions?! If you think reading or "liking" on social media is bigotry, you've never experienced bigotry.

---

This might be an extreme example, but I see this kind of thing over and over again, from all shades of the political spectrum. You sent “big love,” you liked a tweet, you followed the wrong Twitter account, therefore you’re evil.

Ideas should be judged on their merits. Not by who else agrees with them. I’m sure Hitler must have said at least one thing that I’d agree with. That doesn’t make me a Nazi.

I think, “from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs,” sounds like a beautiful way to run a society (if only we could figure out how to do it without it turning into an authoritarian hell-scape). That doesn't make me a communist.

I like shrimp and running for no particular reason, but I’m not Forrest Gump.

Although ideas, like life, are like a box of chocolates. We can pick out the ones we like without touching the rest. If we prefer, we can throw out the whole box. But we shouldn’t swallow them all just because a few seem good. We shouldn’t judge them based on who else likes them. And, especially, we shouldn’t be afraid to try a new one from time to time.