I'm not your enemy

It’s a bit macabre to use somebody’s death as a marker of time, but I was reminded recently that it’s been two years since Kobe Bryant died. Two years! It feels like a few months.

The pandemic has been both the longest and shortest time in my life. It’s been marked by huge changes and crushing sameness. It’s transformed my idea of what normal is, and made me question whether I’ll ever feel normal again.

In my article, What If Politicising A Pandemic Is A Bad Idea?, I pointed out that each of us has experienced the pandemic differently. Each of us has different priorities and fears and needs. And most of us, understandably, are laser-focused on our own.

But while that’s perfectly fine when we’re going about our own business, when we’re talking about how to get as many people as possible through this thing, we need to expand our view a little. We need to stop thinking in terms of “us vs them”. We need to acknowledge that societal issues are rarely a zero-sum game.

Z wasn’t convinced:

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Z:

Hi Steve. okay maybe, maybe, but maybe it is a zero-sum game. Just look at the stats. I'm all for autonomy and if someone wants to place themselves in grave danger, they should have that right, but we are all in this one together. If someone poisons me or my family, should I have recourse? Are they criminally liable? The answer is unequivocally yes. I'm careful to protect myself and you, my family and yours as well. With decency and civility, we thrive and without it look what we have. I have grandchildren too young to be vaccinated. Tell me Steve isn't there wellbeing a zero-sum game?

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Steve QJ:

Hi Steve. okay maybe, maybe, but maybe it is a zero-sum game. Just look at the stats.

That's just it. I am looking at the stats. COVID-19 represents a "grave danger" to a tiny percentage of the population. But most people don't realise this because statistics have been presented almost entirely without context.

There was a fair amount of time where we had no idea what we were up against. An abundance of caution was the only rational response back then. Lockdowns, mask mandates, self-isolation, I was all for it. But we're two years on from that point. The problem is that a) the mechanisms we rely on to provide us with information are determined to sensationalise everything, and b) many of us are struggling to update our model of what's going on from that initial period of huge uncertainty.

And wellbeing isn't a zero-sum game, mainly because there are many ways to define wellbeing. Do you mean people's ability to keep a roof over their and their family's heads? Do you mean the mental health of those who have been isolated for two years (suicide and self-harm rates are way up)? Do you mean the 0.002% risk of death from COVID for under 18 year olds (that's a CDC estimate, their worst case estimate is 0.008%)?

I understand there are absolutely genuine reasons for concern. People who are immune-compromised or who have comorbidities are genuinely vulnerable. They need our help and protection. But people with mental health issues need help and protection too. Children's education and social development are important too. Families need to be able to pay their mortgages. Shutting down the world to this unprecedented degree simply isn't sustainable for those people.

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Z:

Do I mean keeping a roof over my head? I thought we were talking Covid, so let's not stray off subject. I assume thats a picture is of you, a young healthy man. I on the other hand I am 74, I have had cancer. I have a wife with one kidney and bad lungs, and I have a daughter who has had major surgery in the last 18 months. You might like to know that approx. 38% of the population gets cancer sooner or later and I do believe heart disease is more prevalent, not to mention innumerable other health issues, making folks very vulnerable to the ravages of covid obviously, which incidentally is reported to cause long term brain damage. It's a tiny percentage to you Steve to others it's a looming shadow of irrepeible harm in vulnerable populations. Your view I think illustrates the point rather perfectly, which is what?? I would characterize it as let's not politicize is code for too bad for the other guy. You know the overwhelmed hospital workers who get sick, the old fucks like me and my wife and the other millions of very vulnerable folks.

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Steve QJ:

Do I mean keeping a roof over my head? I thought we were talking Covid, so let's not stray off subject.

That is the subject. At least for the people who have lost their jobs or businesses as a result of the pandemic. This is the point I'm trying to make. The pandemic has affected us all in very different ways. So your family has health concerns that make them more vulnerable to COVID. I see you. Others have mental health or financial concerns that after two years are pushing them to the brink. I see them too.

And yes, I'm a healthy young man with an elderly mother in poor health who refuses to get vaccinated because of bullshit she read on Facebook. I worry about her every day. It's so frustrating how quick people are nowadays to reduce anybody who says something they find uncomfortable to one dimensional caricatures.

A tiny percentage is not a subjective measure. It's not a tiny percentage "to me". It's a tiny percentage. That's not to say that they don't matter, it's not to say "too bad". It's to say that as we try to figure out how to handle this terrible situation we have to consider everybody's needs. We have to balance them as effectively as possible.

Does it make sense that the tens of thousands of kids who are stuck 24/7 in abusive homes because schools have shut down, should stay there indefinitely because you've had cancer? I'm seriously asking you. Or should our focus be on protecting you and your health as proactively as possible whilst also trying as hard as possible to get those kids back to an environment that is better for them?

How about the families who are homeless because they lost their jobs and businesses during lockdowns? How about the massive increase in self harm and other mental health issues amongst young people as a result of the pandemic? How about the 18-21-year-olds who have had their education and careers put on hold during what is arguably the most important period of their lives? How do we balance all that? Should we just prioritise you and your needs? Is it, to use your turn of phrase, "too bad for the other guy"?

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Z:

That is the subject. At least for the people who have lost their jobs or businesses as a result of the pandemic. This is the point I'm trying to make. The pandemic has affected us all in very different ways.

How wise you are, but if we wanted to make a list of all the misfortunes and concerns of sentient beings, we could be here for a hundred years. At this point it's all subterfuge and deflection.

So your family has health concerns that make them more vulnerable to COVID. I see you. Others have mental health or financial concerns that after two years are pushing them to the brink. I see them too.

And yes, I'm a healthy young man with an elderly mother in poor health who refuses to get vaccinated because of bullshit she read on Facebook.

Thank you for making my point.

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Steve QJ:

we could be here for a hundred years. At this point it's all subterfuge and deflection.

Ah, I see. So let's just focus on yours. Is that it? Let's ignore all the hard questions that I listed in my reply and obfuscate this one behind "the misfortunes and concerns of sentient beings" because you don't want to think about them. Aren't your concerns also among the misfortunes and concerns of sentient beings?

Let's dismiss the genuine crises people are facing as "subterfuge and deflection" (again, presumably "deflection" from the things that are most important to you).

Thank you for making my point about how unreasonable some people have become on this issue.

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Z:

You have a lot of audacity assuming anything about someone you know nothing about or what I think about and concerns me and what I'm willing to talk about. How would you have even the slightest idea of what threats I face and what I will talk about beyond the issue of covid. Having said that, I find it manipulative and intellectually dishonest of you to weigh our conversation down with the entirety of the human condition as a way to duck the subject.

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Steve QJ:

You have a lot of audacity assuming anything about someone you know nothing about or what I think about and concerns me and what I'm willing to talk about.

"I would characterize [your view] as let's not politicize is code for too bad for the other guy. You know the overwhelmed hospital workers who get sick, the old fucks like me and my wife and the other millions of very vulnerable folks."

Hmm, who is making assumptions about whom?

And again, I'm not sure how you're not getting this, I'm not "weighing our conversation down with the entirety of the human condition". Every issue I'm raising here is a direct result of COVID and our response to it. Here's an article about homelessness as a result of the pandemic. It's affecting millions of people.

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/07/30/what-its-like-to-be-evicted-during-the-coivd-19-pandemic.html

I'm not your enemy. I don't deserve, nor will I stand for passive aggression and sarcasm because I dare to suggest that there are concerns beyond death when it comes to COVID. If I was talking to somebody who was advocating just opening everything back up and saying "too bad for the other guy", I'd be posting links about how the most vulnerable in our society need help and protection.

As I said right from the beginning. This isn't a zero-sum game. It's not all-or-nothing. I'm simply trying to point out the there are many valid perspectives from which to view this crisis. I care about yours. Just not only yours.

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At 74, Z has lived through numerous wars, financial depressions, and God knows what other crises. And yet it’s obvious from his reaction that COVID has been a uniquely horrible, frightening experience for him. For many of us, it’s been the worst experience of our lives.

Two years of death, fear and social isolation have put a strain on all of us. So when somebody triggers that fear, it’s not surprising that it’s hard to be rational. It’s not surprising that we find it difficult to look at this nightmare from any perspective but our own.

But whatever the topic, this is the challenge. To recognise our own fears and struggles, but also to look beyond them. To think about what other people are going through, especially if their struggles are different to ours. And to try to make this practice our new normal.