Our school board conducted discipline hearings. Kids making mistakes and breaking rules is normal stuff. But self-defeating and self-destructive behaviour is a warning sign that a kid needs help. Trying to determine if a student is exhibiting normal behaviour or crying out for help is very difficult to do.
Our school board conducted discipline hearings. Kids making mistakes and breaking rules is normal stuff. But self-defeating and self-destructive behaviour is a warning sign that a kid needs help. Trying to determine if a student is exhibiting normal behaviour or crying out for help is very difficult to do.
Mr. Morley, an old friend and retired prison guard told me that he had faced the same dilemma. Old Morley had an impressive home library and had read every book in it (he always reminded me of the film The Green Mile). If our prisons were filled with guards like Morley, we’d be living in a different country. To help him separate the crime from the man, Mr. Morley told me he had asked each inmate one question.
Old Morley said the answer to that question tells you the man’s identity. If there is a difference between who he is, and who he wants to be, you can work together. If there is no difference, you know you’re dealing with a dangerous man (remember, Morley was talking about inmates, not kids). He offered me some examples, and I decided to try it out.
Turns out, Mr. Morley had given me really good, even magical, advice. Not one student refused to answer the question. Most kids started crying when they answered. Even the toughest kids choked up. A few kids cried so hard, they could not finish their answer (we got these kids services super-fast, by keeping them in school). Crying and choking up kept kids from telling their friends about that question, so kids were never prepared with an answer.
I am going to ask readers, to answer the question that Mr. Morley asked inmates, and I asked students at disciple hearings. Read the question, but do not think, do not edit, just hit reply, type your answer and hit the post comment button. Ready?
“When you are laying in your coffin, what do you want to hear people at your funeral say about you?”
I might never hear your answer, but you will – and that is the point. Whether or not, you are who you want to be, is the difference between having an identity and not having one. If you don’t have an identity, someone else will give you one. And I have a feeling, a whole lot of people are fighting the identity they’ve been given. The only way out of that identity, is to create your own identity.
Near as I can tell, this identity issue is something new. If so, what is that the source of this identity issue?
My kids answered that question without hesitation. I raised my kids, the same way I was raised. They had the same job I did – we were supposed to figure out who we wanted to be, and then create that person. Now in their early thirties, my kids tell me they were the last generation of free-range kids. If they are right, the last generation who created themselves are in their early thirties. Are younger parents guiding their children as they create their own identity, or giving them one?
Anyways, Steve and company, that’s what you made me think about this morning.
I had this reaction several times during those discipline hearings, so I should have expected it, but I didn't. Your reply, put tears in my eyes. Wherever you are, I am glad you are here.
Our school board conducted discipline hearings. Kids making mistakes and breaking rules is normal stuff. But self-defeating and self-destructive behaviour is a warning sign that a kid needs help. Trying to determine if a student is exhibiting normal behaviour or crying out for help is very difficult to do.
Mr. Morley, an old friend and retired prison guard told me that he had faced the same dilemma. Old Morley had an impressive home library and had read every book in it (he always reminded me of the film The Green Mile). If our prisons were filled with guards like Morley, we’d be living in a different country. To help him separate the crime from the man, Mr. Morley told me he had asked each inmate one question.
Old Morley said the answer to that question tells you the man’s identity. If there is a difference between who he is, and who he wants to be, you can work together. If there is no difference, you know you’re dealing with a dangerous man (remember, Morley was talking about inmates, not kids). He offered me some examples, and I decided to try it out.
Turns out, Mr. Morley had given me really good, even magical, advice. Not one student refused to answer the question. Most kids started crying when they answered. Even the toughest kids choked up. A few kids cried so hard, they could not finish their answer (we got these kids services super-fast, by keeping them in school). Crying and choking up kept kids from telling their friends about that question, so kids were never prepared with an answer.
I am going to ask readers, to answer the question that Mr. Morley asked inmates, and I asked students at disciple hearings. Read the question, but do not think, do not edit, just hit reply, type your answer and hit the post comment button. Ready?
“When you are laying in your coffin, what do you want to hear people at your funeral say about you?”
I might never hear your answer, but you will – and that is the point. Whether or not, you are who you want to be, is the difference between having an identity and not having one. If you don’t have an identity, someone else will give you one. And I have a feeling, a whole lot of people are fighting the identity they’ve been given. The only way out of that identity, is to create your own identity.
Near as I can tell, this identity issue is something new. If so, what is that the source of this identity issue?
My kids answered that question without hesitation. I raised my kids, the same way I was raised. They had the same job I did – we were supposed to figure out who we wanted to be, and then create that person. Now in their early thirties, my kids tell me they were the last generation of free-range kids. If they are right, the last generation who created themselves are in their early thirties. Are younger parents guiding their children as they create their own identity, or giving them one?
Anyways, Steve and company, that’s what you made me think about this morning.
"He was kind."
I had this reaction several times during those discipline hearings, so I should have expected it, but I didn't. Your reply, put tears in my eyes. Wherever you are, I am glad you are here.
"She was fun, she was a breath of fresh air, she changed her little corner of the world for the better."
I bet that's what you'll hear too :)
I hope so :)