"But, to him, it didn't matter if he triggered me or caused me harm because I am white"
I'm really sorry to hear this, and especially sad at how often I hear it. In some people's minds, victimhood (and more precisely, their specific *kind* of victimhood) is what defines your worth as a human being.
"But, to him, it didn't matter if he triggered me or caused me harm because I am white"
I'm really sorry to hear this, and especially sad at how often I hear it. In some people's minds, victimhood (and more precisely, their specific *kind* of victimhood) is what defines your worth as a human being.
I've seen similar attitudes among some feminists who can't see the humanity of men, trans people who can't see the humanity of non-trans people, and yes, people of colour who can't see the humanity of white people. As you say, anger can be seductive. And recognising the humanity of your "oppressor" makes anger at everybody in that group harder to maintain.
That said, I do think it's tricky to compare different forms of victimhood. The ways we experience pain, the journeys it takes us on, are so different and hinge on so many different factors. Even when talking to other black people about racism, I'm reluctant to claim I know what they're going (or have been) through.
The shared foundation of humanity is a great starting point for conversations about our experiences. But as I mentioned to Sophie, even if we were siblings, it likely wouldn't be wise to presume we *understand* how experiences have impacted each other,
Your essential honesty, Steve, is just a beautiful thing. Responses like this show a path forward instead of what becomes, in essence, wallowing in grievance.
I think that (imperfectly but meaningfully) understanding how life is for someone else is very feasible though empathy and contact and learning. But it also seems to be important to have humility, always expressing one's understandings tentatively with willingness to deepen or modify one's understanding, rather than being overly confident. It's easy for somebody to feel misunderstood or even to feel like their pain is being trivialized by what lands as only a superficial understanding.
And awareness of that tension and balance is part of effective empathy in itself.
That said, at times a person does not want to be "understood" and does not want empathy; for example, they may want power or some other outcome. The space of crossing racial lines with empathy is particularly strewn with mines, thanks to the neo-progressive reframing of differences as inherently conflicting view of what is "right" or "true". Accepting diversity of viewpoint is not one of their strong suits.
"But, to him, it didn't matter if he triggered me or caused me harm because I am white"
I'm really sorry to hear this, and especially sad at how often I hear it. In some people's minds, victimhood (and more precisely, their specific *kind* of victimhood) is what defines your worth as a human being.
I've seen similar attitudes among some feminists who can't see the humanity of men, trans people who can't see the humanity of non-trans people, and yes, people of colour who can't see the humanity of white people. As you say, anger can be seductive. And recognising the humanity of your "oppressor" makes anger at everybody in that group harder to maintain.
That said, I do think it's tricky to compare different forms of victimhood. The ways we experience pain, the journeys it takes us on, are so different and hinge on so many different factors. Even when talking to other black people about racism, I'm reluctant to claim I know what they're going (or have been) through.
The shared foundation of humanity is a great starting point for conversations about our experiences. But as I mentioned to Sophie, even if we were siblings, it likely wouldn't be wise to presume we *understand* how experiences have impacted each other,
Your essential honesty, Steve, is just a beautiful thing. Responses like this show a path forward instead of what becomes, in essence, wallowing in grievance.
I think that (imperfectly but meaningfully) understanding how life is for someone else is very feasible though empathy and contact and learning. But it also seems to be important to have humility, always expressing one's understandings tentatively with willingness to deepen or modify one's understanding, rather than being overly confident. It's easy for somebody to feel misunderstood or even to feel like their pain is being trivialized by what lands as only a superficial understanding.
And awareness of that tension and balance is part of effective empathy in itself.
That said, at times a person does not want to be "understood" and does not want empathy; for example, they may want power or some other outcome. The space of crossing racial lines with empathy is particularly strewn with mines, thanks to the neo-progressive reframing of differences as inherently conflicting view of what is "right" or "true". Accepting diversity of viewpoint is not one of their strong suits.