> "I have to say, overcoming a victim mindset, no matter the genesis/catalyst, is a very tough spiritual path"
This. And especially if much of the culture encourages you to hang onto it.
I have come to consider "foregiveness" as letting oneself off the hook, rather than letting the other person(s) off the hook. It's not "earned" by them, it's something the harmed person does for themselves - reducing the ongoing harm to their own psyche. That doesn't mean it's easy. And I'm not speaking down as superior!
Superior - of course not. We are chewing on this, exchanging catalyzed thoughts and feelings. No worries on that front. And you have a good point. Repentance is typically a precursor to forgiveness. But, it can't always be had. What do you do then? You have to find a way to let go so that focusing on your pain doesn't consume you.
One of the reasons I am so impacted by woke ideology is because I know the path of overcoming significant harm and I have deep, deep empathy for anyone who is struggling with this path. Particularly those who are stuck in rage, a justifiable and natural response to harm, particularly if the perps won't admit it (which some in our culture won't).
But I also know you can throw your life away if you stay stuck and that you have to move out of this emotion in order to heal and create anything new. That is the carrot that helped me. I am an artist and wish to create. In order to do this, I have to open to receive - ideas and inspiration - and if I am stuck in rage, I can't do this.
I wish we could do a truth and reconciliation effort like they did in South Africa - where people who were harmed came forward and publicly told their stories and shared their grief. I know it didn't heal everything and there are still many problems in SA related to apartheid. But, there was catharsis for a great many. And catharsis is what we need in order to move toward forgiveness.
I also think we should fund free therapy for black communities as part of any reparations package.
I wish you well on your path to healing; it's clear that you are making it a spiritual journey, for positive growth not just healing.
Many people have had to do their forgiveness and self healing with no chance of repentance or even engagement - because the other person is no longer alive. Sometimes people use chair work, or a proxy. That didn't work for me (at least in my limited experience), but it does for some.
As for your last sentence - alas, I would not necessarily trust the kind of therapy such funding would likely favor. I've been seeing stuff about social justice ideology taking over therapy, too. Not all therapists, tho, I'm sure.
One of my parental units is dead, so I get that. It is harder but confronting them doesn't always lead to emotional catharsis (as I discovered recently). My spiritual studies suggest the moving the emotion around the wound is the key - whether the person caused the harm is there or not. You have to tell the truth about how you feel - to yourself, or an enlightened witness, or a therapist - whomever. Once you feel heard, you can grapple with what to do next.
And, yes. I have deep concerns about therapists using shaming techniques with patients who are already struggling with shame. I think they will lead some to suicide. I hope they get sued for malpractice. I think this is the only way to stop the toxic zealotry. License for therapists to dehumanize people - to ignore people's humanity. Who would have thunk it in the modern era? The world is upside down.
I think you are right.
> "I have to say, overcoming a victim mindset, no matter the genesis/catalyst, is a very tough spiritual path"
This. And especially if much of the culture encourages you to hang onto it.
I have come to consider "foregiveness" as letting oneself off the hook, rather than letting the other person(s) off the hook. It's not "earned" by them, it's something the harmed person does for themselves - reducing the ongoing harm to their own psyche. That doesn't mean it's easy. And I'm not speaking down as superior!
Superior - of course not. We are chewing on this, exchanging catalyzed thoughts and feelings. No worries on that front. And you have a good point. Repentance is typically a precursor to forgiveness. But, it can't always be had. What do you do then? You have to find a way to let go so that focusing on your pain doesn't consume you.
One of the reasons I am so impacted by woke ideology is because I know the path of overcoming significant harm and I have deep, deep empathy for anyone who is struggling with this path. Particularly those who are stuck in rage, a justifiable and natural response to harm, particularly if the perps won't admit it (which some in our culture won't).
But I also know you can throw your life away if you stay stuck and that you have to move out of this emotion in order to heal and create anything new. That is the carrot that helped me. I am an artist and wish to create. In order to do this, I have to open to receive - ideas and inspiration - and if I am stuck in rage, I can't do this.
I wish we could do a truth and reconciliation effort like they did in South Africa - where people who were harmed came forward and publicly told their stories and shared their grief. I know it didn't heal everything and there are still many problems in SA related to apartheid. But, there was catharsis for a great many. And catharsis is what we need in order to move toward forgiveness.
I also think we should fund free therapy for black communities as part of any reparations package.
I wish you well on your path to healing; it's clear that you are making it a spiritual journey, for positive growth not just healing.
Many people have had to do their forgiveness and self healing with no chance of repentance or even engagement - because the other person is no longer alive. Sometimes people use chair work, or a proxy. That didn't work for me (at least in my limited experience), but it does for some.
As for your last sentence - alas, I would not necessarily trust the kind of therapy such funding would likely favor. I've been seeing stuff about social justice ideology taking over therapy, too. Not all therapists, tho, I'm sure.
One of my parental units is dead, so I get that. It is harder but confronting them doesn't always lead to emotional catharsis (as I discovered recently). My spiritual studies suggest the moving the emotion around the wound is the key - whether the person caused the harm is there or not. You have to tell the truth about how you feel - to yourself, or an enlightened witness, or a therapist - whomever. Once you feel heard, you can grapple with what to do next.
And, yes. I have deep concerns about therapists using shaming techniques with patients who are already struggling with shame. I think they will lead some to suicide. I hope they get sued for malpractice. I think this is the only way to stop the toxic zealotry. License for therapists to dehumanize people - to ignore people's humanity. Who would have thunk it in the modern era? The world is upside down.