The Commentary

The Commentary

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
Almost Always Polite
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More

Almost Always Polite

Steve QJ's avatar
Steve QJ
May 28, 2021
5

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
Almost Always Polite
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
Share

I suspect I’m in the minority, but I’m much more polite online than I am in person. The anonymity of the internet makes me more patient with insults and idiots. Not least because sometimes the most confrontational conversations end up working out.

This was not one of those occasions.

In my article “Anti-Racism Is Becoming Troublingly Racist”, I lay out my frustrations with the excesses of modern day anti-racism, and the damage it’s doing to race relations. It’s kind of funny in places, but it’s more of an “if you don’t laugh you’ll cry” funny than an “I’m not taking this seriously” funny.

Mike was one of the first people to comment, and let’s just say he failed to read the room:


Mike:

The best way to make omelets is to start by breaking eggs. Yeah, we’re getting it mostly wrong on a lot of levels right now. But all we have to do is keep trying, and we’ll get better. I understand your frustration, but remember to treat it like the temporary emotion that it is. Just take this issue one day at a time. And when it’s REALLY getting on your nerves, one BREATH at a time. LOL


Reading this again months later I still find it infuriating. The stupidity of a “let’s just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks” approach to racism or any serious problem. The glib dismissal of an issue that is (obviously) important to me “Yeah, we’re getting mostly wrong on a lot of levels right now. But…”. The assurance that he “understands my frustration” when he very, very obviously doesn’t. The non-ironic use of LOL by somebody who is over 15 years old. It’s a perfect storm of all the things that annoy me.

I honestly considered saying something more polite, or better yet, saying nothing at all. In fact, this response is far more polite than it would have been if I’d spoken to him in person. But I couldn’t resist saying something. I’m only human after all.


Steve QJ:

I’m not sure if this is just a failed attempt at humour, sorry if it is, but otherwise it’s one of the stupidest, most condescending things I’ve had the misfortune to read in quite a while.


Mike wasn’t pleased.


Mike:

Insulting people who respond to you is not the way to build…ANYthing. Blocked. And please block me. Thanks….whatever you call yourself.


The thing is, he’s right. Part of why I spend so much time talking to people online is that I want to build something. Understanding maybe. I admit that this isn’t the way to do that.

But there’s also a cost/benefit analysis happening. How much energy will I need to exert to get through to this person? How likely are they to think seriously about these complex issues? How far can I trust a grown man who writes “LOL” in conversation with a total stranger?

This kind of analysis goes on in person too. Maybe you’ve had a conversation with somebody about a minority issue and it’s blown up in your face for reasons you didn’t understand. If so, let Mike be an example of how not to handle these kinds of conversations.


Subscribe to The Commentary

By Steve QJ · Launched 4 years ago
A collection of beautiful, brilliant and bizarre conversations about race, politics and culture.
5

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
Almost Always Polite
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
Share

Discussion about this post

User's avatar
How TERFs Became Such Terrible, Hateful, Evil, Bigots
A few weeks ago, while visiting a wine museum, I got an unexpected insight into the trans experience.
Feb 28 • 
Steve QJ
759

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
How TERFs Became Such Terrible, Hateful, Evil, Bigots
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
351
The Quiet Death Of Antiracism
At the beginning of last year, in a piece for The Atlantic, Nellie Bowles described the mood at a four-day antiracist cult…excuse me, Zoom seminar she…
Jan 13 • 
Steve QJ
289

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
The Quiet Death Of Antiracism
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
43
How BLM-Era Antiracism Ate Itself
I don’t remember the moment I realised that the BLM-era antiracism movement was done for. Maybe it was when I watched Ibram X Kendi in front of a crowd…
Jan 25 • 
Steve QJ
45

Share this post

The Commentary
The Commentary
How BLM-Era Antiracism Ate Itself
Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More
6

Ready for more?

© 2025 Steve QJ
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture

Share

Copy link
Facebook
Email
Notes
More

Create your profile

User's avatar

Only paid subscribers can comment on this post

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in

Check your email

For your security, we need to re-authenticate you.

Click the link we sent to , or click here to sign in.