The Radical Honesty of Donald Trump

In his debut movie, 8 Mile, Eminem adds a surprising twist to the machismo and bravado of battle rapping: radical honesty.

His character, Jimmy "B-Rabbit" Smith, is a white guy trying to make it as a rapper in America's third blackest city. His "friend," Wink, just had sex with his girlfriend. And his rival, a gangster named "Papa Doc," just kicked his ass.

Simply put, Jimmy is about to get destroyed. So when the battle starts, he goes all in...on himself:

...I am white, I am a f*cking bum, I do live in a trailer with my mom, my boy Future is an Uncle Tom, I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun. I did get jumped by all six of you chumps. And Wink did f*ck my girl, I'm still standing here screaming f*ck the Free World. Don't ever try to judge me, dude, you don't know what the f*ck I've been through....

Jimmy lays out every dumb, humiliating detail of his life. Because once everyone knows you're a penniless, fight-losing, trailer-park-living cuckold, what's the worst they can say? Best of all, Papa Doc hasn't been quite so forthcoming:

...but I know something about you, you went to Cranbrook, that's a private school. What's the matter dawg, you embarrassed? This guy's a gangster? His real name's Clarence. And Clarence lives at home with both parents, and Clarence parents have a real good marriage. This guy don't wanna battle, he's shook, 'cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks.

If you're the kind of person who didn't get that “halfway crooks” reference, you might have a few questions.

Why is a guy who "lives in a trailer with his mom" roasting a guy with a loving family?

Why is a guy with a name like “B-Rabbit” trying to shame a guy named Clarence?

Why did Clarence lose a rap battle because his parents love each other?

And the short answer is: different people have different priorities. And if you don't understand them, you'll lose.

Of course, in the real world, nobody uses rap battles to settle grudges or manage self-esteem issues.

That's what politics is for!

Although, if you're the kind of person who thinks politics should focus on boring stuff like integrity or foreign policy or which octogenarian's unmistakeable neurological decline is more troubling, you might have a few questions.

Why, mere hours after Trump became the first former president to be convicted of a felony, did his supporters send him so much money that his donation website crashed?

Why, even though Trump has spent the past several years chanting about the political opponents he planned to “lock up,” are his supporters suddenly outraged by the “weaponisation of the justice department?”

Why, whenever Trump does something that makes him “unelectable,” do his supporters seem so determined to elect him?