The problem with kindness is that it seems so simple.
“Help those less fortunate than yourself.” “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” “If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.”
Kindness is so simple most of the time, it's tempting to believe it's simple all of the time. But sometimes, kindness is surprisingly complicated.
Is it kinder to tell someone what they want to hear or what they need to hear? Is it kind to uplift someone if it means hurting somebody else? Is it kinder to tell a comfortable lie or an uncomfortable truth?
Sadly, even with the best intentions, there’s often no way to make everybody happy.
Sometimes the best we can do is avoid new forms of cruelty.
Here's another bit of kindness that's more complicated than some people think; if someone asks you to refer to them by their "preferred" pronouns, just do it!
Write them in your email signature. Scan your barista's chest for pronoun pins. Check in daily with your friends and colleagues to make sure their pronouns are the same as they were yesterday.
It doesn't matter if you see the obvious grammatical and logical inconsistencies. It doesn't matter if you have to refer to people using gibberish and tooth emojis. It doesn't even matter if you have special needs and are struggling to understand this self-inflicted gaslighting.
According to an astonishing number of people, this show of kindness is more important than anything else.
But, as David Spiers points out, clinging to this principle too tightly leads to a problem:
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