The Little Known Joys Of Being An Uncle Tom

If animals ever figure out the collective names we’ve given them, we’re in deep trouble.

Sure, there are some cool ones like a “pride” of lions and a “wisdom” of wombats, but there’s also a “bloat” of hippopotamuses, and a “smuck” of jellyfish and a “cowardice” of dogs!! 

And nobody--with the possible exception of Hispanic people getting called “Latinx"--understands this problem better than black people, because we have to deal with these stupid names too.

A “diversity hire” of black professionals. A “multiracial whiteness” of black conservatives. A “thug” of black men “not wearing a tie or handcuffs”. 

Every time black people say something we’re not “supposed” to say or vote in a way we’re not “supposed” to vote, every time we test the boundaries dictated by our skin tone, one of these names comes along to put us back in our place.

Because if we get really uppity? Well, we all know what that name is. 

Of course, with the sheer variety of ways to denigrate black people, it”s easy to end up feeling overwhelmed.

But luckily, there's a name you can use whenever a black person says something you don’t like without getting in trouble for saying the n-word: Uncle Tom.

Hip hop producer Steven Jordan thinks 50's criticism of P Diddy's physical and sexual abuse is “[bringing] the black community down”? Just call him an Uncle Tom.

Frederick Hurst, father of Georgia mayoral candidate Justin Hurst, gets mad because several black city council members refuse to endorse his son's election campaign? Just call them Uncle Toms!

Last month, The View host, Sonny Hostin just barely resisted the urge to call Coleman Hughes an Uncle Tom for advocating the same race-blind policies civil rights leaders called for sixty years ago (she made do with calling him a “conservative”). 

Barack Obama, Glenn Loury, Clarence Thomas, Tim Scott, Martin Luther King, black people don't get to see things differently or make a mistake or even be flat-out wrong, we can't just be flawed in the same way that all humans are, our missteps, for some reason, need a label that references our skin. 

And while I’d typically file this away with all the other silliness black people have to deal with, the frustrating thing about this particular term is that the people using it don't even know who they're talking about.